I live in Moscow, Idaho. It’s pronounced Mos-cow like the bovine. Not Moscow like the capital of the former Soviet Union. I will be honest, there isn’t much here and it’s really not close to anything other than the snake river about 30 miles south and one mile below elevation. Nope, we have the University of Idaho, a quaint downtown that  breaks the Idaho conservative monotony with a liberal edge and vast rolling hills that span as far as the eye can see. So sometimes you have to find the quirkiness of your small town right where everyone normally goes. Today, I will take you on a tour to the local Pharmacy where old people buy their mineral oil and the locals buy their penis washing soap. I don’t lie.

Here we are at Hodgins Value Rite Drug Toy and Hobby store right in the center of a town so small, you can probably throw a football and hit someone in the neighboring town. We had a mild winter here so you will notice there is no snow but I promise, it’s still -4 out when I took this. I will apologize in advance for the quality of the photos. They are all taken with my phone. People around here get a little sketchy about people who take pictures of food and stuffed chipmunks. I have found this out.

They have been giving out dependable prescriptions since 1890. 1890?? Holy shit! This state had only been around for about 25 years since this pharmacy opened and I know that might not seem that big to those on the east coast who eat in restaurants that were around before the colonies were states but out here in the boonies, that’s crazy. I can’t help but think of threats of Indian attacks while the pharmacist poured herbal remedies that were little more than opium mixed with whiskey. This is all in my head, of course. Let’s cruise the aisles!

In the back, close to the counter of the pharmacy, you will see the normal pharmaceutical assortments but upon close assessment I noticed quite a bit of the old school. You know, like the weird bottles of strange that is  in your grandmother’s hallway closet? Yeah, check this shit out.

Yeah, I am in a med program here and some of these remedies haven’t come up in my training. Do you drink this or rub it on something? And that’s a big bottle too! How about that bottle of glycerin? I am bored here, let’s go to the toy aisle!

Here is the whole front of the store, full of some amazing toys and some real downers that only an eighty year old woman who will buy a twelve-year-old because dementia has taken up realstate  in her skull cavity. You think I am crazy but just wait.

I would take you through all the different toys and such but I figured I would just show you the winners and losers. Most of the high-end stuff is the epic battle between Lego and Playschool. There are dozens of $100 plus sets and in a town with population dick, the chance of this place shipping 5 of those a week is about as likely as me training my cat to say “thank you” in Chinese every time I clean her litter box. No, here are some things that stand out to me.

Are you serious? Now where can you find a switch comb today? Where? Tell me in 5,4,3,2,1…no where! I absolutely love the packaging too. “A shocking expose of youth gone wild!” You can’t even make this shit up! I really need a delinquent comb and I am absolutely kicking myself for shaving off all my hair. Crap on a crap cracker! Oh, well…I can still be out for kicks.

Now we are taking a shift to the weird. I have seen the mustaches in stores around bigger cities but this place had hundreds of them. How many fake mustaches can one place keep in stock? And creepy see-through masks like that seventies movie with Donald Sutherland…uh…yeah, I forget.

Trick flies. Do you know how much these are? Take a guess. $5.95. If I ever pay 6 bucks for fake flies, please break my middle fingers, cast them and put me in a room full of deaf bikers.

Remember when I was talking about an 80-year-old woman with dementia? Yeah, this was the gift I was talking about. If you look closely on the package (below the picture of my great grandmother with my great aunt Rose)  it states you can train canaries and parakeets. That alone makes me want to step on the one in stock. Wait…they only have one left? Who the fuck is buying this shit?

Moving down the aisle. But shockingly not very far from the kid’s selection.

I have to say I was a little…sad about this. I loved the innocence of this historic pharmacy with great toys and even greater weirdness, but it looks like the evil tentacles of Spenser’s reach even here to Moscow, Idaho.

Alright, this is kind of funny. I personally would never use this but Weener Kleener is a novelty that I might just hang in my shower to freak out the guests. What really cracks me up is the real caution tag on the bottom that reads: “If Weener Kleener ever becomes stuck, soak the area with cold water.” Actually, I really can’t tell if that is real but it would work. I suppose.

The coolest part to this place is the basement. I walked around for a good 20 minutes before I realized there even was a downstairs. It filled in the gap to the “hobby” part of this place.

I am such a sucker for hobby shops. Growing up, my room was filled with dozens of model airplanes and I have fond memories of my Dad and I going and buying kits on a Saturday afternoon. After, we would go to the movie rental store and rent Iron Eagle for the third time and he would help me build the model airplane while I dreamed of being Doug Masters, flying an F-16 to the tunes of Queen. Going to a hobby store brings me back there.

I catch myself staring at these for a long while. The owner was sitting at the counter staring at me and every so often he asks me if I was alright. I don’t know how much you can help a person out with model kits but I seemed to making him nervous. Perhaps it was this picture I took.

Well, thank you for coming with me to my local drug store. I don’t think this is the place to get a discount on Rolaids or a break on a Lego castle but it’s the small business that we have to support. Sure we can go to Wal-Mart and save 15% and in this economy it makes it that much more inviting. But we need to support these small businesses. It is the fabric of this nation and even though it is weird and pricey, it has a charm that can never be taken away.

- Will