I wrote this a year or two ago and it’s embarrassingly bad.  I thought I’d share.

PLUMBER:
There isn’t really a lot you can do about it, man.  You know?

TURTLE BOT:
There must be something.

PLUMBER:
She’s got a new man now.  Let him deal with her.

TURTLE BOT:
Yeah.

PLUMBER:
That’s what we call some of that old bullshit.  But, you see, there are other robots in the technological sea, my friend.

TURTLE BOT:
But not with microchips like that…

TERRY KENYON:
Hey, fuckfaces.  What’s new?

PLUMBER:
Hey, be cool, our buddy here just lost his lady and is feeling low.  Show some compassion you Texas prick.

TERRY KENYON:
Yeah, sure...  The only thing I’m passionate about is fucking.

TURTLE BOT:
What in the hell are you?

TERRY KENYON:
I’m one of those old-fashioned types.  I like to get in the dirt and sweat all day.  Come home to a fine beer and a finer piece of ass.

PLUMBER:
There’s nothing wrong with putting in a hard day’s work, but your vision of females is disgusting.

TERRY KENYON:
Don’t tell me you’ve never put a wrench in a girl after you finished fixing her sink.  I know you like to clean those pipes.

TURTLE BOT:
Why are friends with this guy again?

TERRY KENYON:
My natural good looks?

PLUMBER:
You’re an idiot, Terry.  Turtle Bot, don’t worry, you’ll find true love soon enough.

TERRY KENYON:
Right, and I’ve got four green testicles.

TURTLE BOT:
You’ve got four green testicles?

TERRY KENYON:
No.  I was trying to be ironic.

PLUMBER:
Well, I think I’m going to call it a night guys.  I’ve got some janitorial duties tomorrow morning I have to attend to.

TURTLE BOT:
Later Plumber.

TERRY KENYON:
Adios ass.

TURTLE BOT:
You’re really something else you know that?

TERRY KENYON:
Man, that’s what I’ve wanted to talk to somebody about.  See, I’m not really this macho dude I brag about to everyone.

TURTLE BOT:
What are you saying?

TERRY KENYON:
I’m soft.  I use this tasty exterior and my behavior as a means, a shell if you will, to protect my delicate insides.  I was hurt a lot by girls and bullies as a young lad, and frankly I figured if I couldn’t beat them than I would just join them.  You understand, right?  You old rusty dog you.

TURTLE BOT:
I guess I can sympathize with your position.

TERRY KENYON:
Speaking of positions…

TERRY KENYON:
Hey there asshole!  Nice mask.  You see Cindy’s boobies yet?

TURTLE BOT:
I can’t believe this guy.

TURTLE BOT:
True love exists.  I just need to stop thinking with my circuit board and use my heart instead.  I’ve got to cancel my subscription to Techno Tacos…