Old Time Pottery (Forest Park, OH)

Why do I love Old Time Pottery?  My answer is the sheer immensity of it.  Don’t mistake that adoration for thinking that every large, unassuming building where commerce takes place is particularly special.  Take Wal-Mart for example—definitely not special.  Wal-Mart stores are generally huge, but you don’t usually find yourself basking in the immensity of it all; no, instead, most people generally feel a sense of guilt while there, knowing they’re supporting a giant conglomerate that’s running smaller businesses out of our economy at staggering rates.  The layout at Wal-Mart, while efficient for the everyday shopper, is bland and without much merit.  At Old Time Pottery, in the amount of space Wal-Mart would fit four boring aisles of brand name product, they’ve squeezed in sixteen, each one completely different and unrelated to the last, in a staggering display of material goods.  Don’t believe me?  The rest of this article will prove my case in visual form.

Walking around Old Time Pottery is like exploring the mazes in Labyrinth, it’s both puzzling and exciting, and you may even encounter a creature.  Shelves are over packed and reach into the heavens, making me feel like I’m in a giant library the that would be welcomed by Bastian from The Neverending Story.

Aisles upon aisles of floral goods are on display near the front of the store.  It’s bright, gaudy, and wonderful.

Near the back of the store is this staggering display of trunks, rugs, and enough decorative pillows to make a small army feel both comfortable and fabulous.

Probably my favorite section of the store is an outside area, populated mostly by stuff like the thousands of different pots seen in the above picture.  I’ve always liked it when stores had an outdoor area; growing up my local K-Mart had a section outside attached to the store where they sold gardening stuff, etc.  I also enjoy looking out beyond the fence at some land that doesn’t see too much attention.

Here’s another interesting visual courtesy of the outdoor area—a bunch of rusting tables and metalwork.

To the left is an aisle I’d never seen before, containing a bunch of plastic kitchen goods, and to the right, an immense and colorful collection of candles.  I’m partial to the sea green ones.

One part of the store you might want to skip on your tour is the restrooms.  What the hell happened here?

My second favorite part of the store is these racks containing a random assortment of music cassettes, old VHS tapes, CDs, etc.  There are more copies of The Matrix Revolutions here than I could count.  You’ll never know what you’ll find, though, and that’s what makes it so fun to pillage through.

Why’s it necessary to have so many plates and dishes?  That’s part of the mystery of this place, but either way, I still feel anxious walking through this aisle because I feel like I’m going to randomly trip and create a cascading quake of porcelain.

Even in a place like this my true loves find me!  Eating a ham sandwich and corn chips while admiring the Green Goblin seems like an excellent way to enjoy lunch as a child.

More randomness abounds as this aisle is stuffed with gobs of wrapping paper and other gift items.  There’s also a bunch of pastel bags to the right, ideal for an Easter egg hunt, or to transport narcotics unassumingly on public transit.

I’ve also always admired the lawn ornaments they have here.  You can usually find some pretty interesting, sometimes disturbing, stuff on display.  While I didn’t find anything too out of the ordinary on this visit, this close-up of some frog pieces is indicative of their usual goods.

The lamp section is just one of many dedicated to solely one item and millions of incarnations and varieties of it.

Hey, I didn’t leave empty-handed!  That’s right, I found a copy of ‘80’s comedic masterpiece Disorderlies starring rap group The Fat Boys on DVD.  Overall, even though its doubtful I’ll ever spend much money on the bulk of stuff this store carries, it’s still fun to occasionally visit and wander around aimlessly through.  In the last several years since I’ve been doing this site I’ve seen many of my favorite stores close, including several of my beloved dollar stores, and I hope Old Time Pottery doesn’t meet a similar fate.  It’s a one of a kind place, plus, where else could I make such appropriate carpet munching jokes?

Overall Grade: B+ 

The Search for Cherry Coke

I’m a huge Cherry Coke fan—always have been and probably will forever be.  But, the suits at Coke took my beloved beverage in a new direction in late 2005.  Ditching the old, iconic name for the more streamlined Coca-Cola Cherry.  Granted, it still tastes the same, however, the new marketing campaigns, logo, and overall design aren’t blowing my skirt up.  Sure, some design major came up with a fresh take on a contemporary new look, and while the new purple-heavy design is admittedly sleek and snazzy, it’s just not the same.  What hurts the most is the name change, as Coca-Cola Cherry doesn’t have the same ring or nostalgic edge built-in like Cherry Coke.

While down at Walt Disney World last month I thought I’d found what I felt was taken away so cruelly from me… honest to goodness Cherry Coke!

Watch the video and join me on an adventure as I try to hunt down the elusive last remnants of Cherry Coke.

Kellogg’s Animal Planet Wild Animal Crunch

Sometime during my teenage years I lost my appetite for cereal.  It was not a conscious decision on my behalf—it just happened.  Years went by without a single bowl of milky joy.  Even now, with the exception of seasonal favorites like Boo Berry, it’s rare to find any cereal in my immediate vicinity.  But, there it was, a few weeks back, while strolling through the grocery store some adorable seals captured my eye and heart, and subsequently my wallet.  Boxes depicted several different animal themes, such as Safari, but I was convinced that Marine would bring the most to my breakfast.

Another factor that played into the purchase was the simple, small text blurb, part of which said, “vanilla-chocolate whole grain cereal.”  You’re probably thinking big deal, right?  Well, back when The Addams Family was having a revival in popularity due to major motion pictures and marketing madness, a shortly lived cereal baring their name was released.  It was painfully simple; you’ve surely guessed it, just “vanilla-chocolate whole grain cereal.”  But, for whatever reason, I loved the stuff; so much, in fact, that when I couldn’t find it anymore on store shelves I completely freaked out.  So, secretly I had an ulterior motive to eating this, as I hoped it would recapture some of that cereal magic from so long ago.

The cereal itself is far from transcendent; in fact, it’s agonizingly average.  But, like most things, it has pros and cons.  On the negative side, the main thing I’ve got against Kellogg’s is their lack of creativity.  Seriously, take a look above and count how many animals you can pick out from this bowl?  If I tried really hard I could make an argument that one’s a bear on all fours, but for the rest of these, I have no idea what the shapes are hoping to convey.  If I was a child I’d be really confused.

Onto the pros, this cereal is a good source of fiber, the box is made of 100% recycled paperboard, and the back (not pictured) has tons of awesome stuff, like trading cards (including a sea turtle, orca, and dolphin!) and word scrambles.  There’s even a true or false questionnaire, containing brain ticklers like “Sea lions can sleep both in and out of the water.”  Any thing that can distract you from the insipidness of the cereal itself is welcomed.  All and all, I think the merging of animals and cereal is an idea rife with potential, but Kellogg’s delivered blasé instead of brilliance.

Overall Grade: C 

Mega Bloks Spider-Man & Friends Training Camp

One of my favorite things about doing this site over the years is the joy that comes when I randomly stumble upon something I deem worthy of review.  Usually when I go out to dollar stores I’m actually aiming on stocking up on cheap crap to write about.  However, sometimes I’ll be out and about, completely oblivious and contentedly so, and end up finding the coolest stuff.  Take the item you see up above, after visiting Kenwood Mall in the Montgomery district of Cincinnati, I decided I’d take the “back way” home, diverting and meandering through random towns, side streets, etc.  Along the way we saw an interesting strip mall in a town I’d only ever passed through a couple times, Deer Park, OH.  I checked out the pet store, not enough exotics for my tastes, of course I stopped in for a visit at their dollar store, definitely didn’t leave empty-handed, but my real treasure awaited me at… T.J. Maxx?  My wife wanted to stop in for some random reason, and if you haven’t ever been in one of these stores, I don’t know if I can really set the scene for you; they specialize in ladies’ clothing, jewelry, handbags, etc.  However, in the corner of their stores is usually a toy aisle, not an extravagant one, but at least something for me to kill my time at.  So, on this particular impromptu visit, that’s where I found the gem above, and here’s the real bonus, it was marked down for the low price of $3!

There’s been a new trend of “cute” toys based upon popular pop culture characters, ranging from comic book and movie heroes, everyone from Colossus to Luke Skywalker now have their own little, adorable, rubber counterpart.  One of the first lines to successfully capitalize on this fad was Spider-Man & Friends, creating child-friendly versions of popular preexisting characters like Captain America and Spider-Girl.

Above is the back of the box, showing both all the individual pieces you’ll get, plus a rough diagram of the playset.

Here are most of the pieces scattered about after I dumped them on my patio.  They’re bright and bulky, and frankly, I couldn’t wait to start building.  I don’t have a lot of prior experience with Mega Bloks.  I’m aware they’ve been embittered in lawsuit hell against LEGO for quite some time now.  Now, say what you will, and I’m certainly a LEGO fan myself, but Mega Bloks do have some awesome license agreements with properties like TMNT, Gundam, Harley-Davidson, and The Walt Disney Company.

Now, before we start building, and there were no proper instructions included mind you, let me first take a moment to introduce you to our pals for the remainder of this article:

Thor: Thanketh for thee opportunity thine Lord of thine Spiders.  It will be a privilege to workith on my skills at your new “Training Camp.”

Spider-Man: Umm, yeah, about that… don’t mention it.  Reed Richards was too busy tinkering in his lab on some new particle generator stabilizer or decoding an alien language to accept my invite.  So, knock yourself out helmet hair.

Here’s my crudely constructed Training Camp based off the visual on the back of the back.  Admittedly, mine wasn’t quite up to par, the platform leaned to left and I must have not been pushing in my pieces hard enough as they’d easily fall apart upon touch.  Still, I think it looks pretty cool, I was a sucker for playsets as a kid, and albeit simple, even this one has some neat playability options.  The rock climbing wall, spider web trampoline, and zip glider are all irredeemably awesome.

Here’s a shot showcasing the toys being used as they’re intended to, and that’s simply to have fun with!   I think it’s a great little set, and especially a value at the sales markdown price I scored it at.  I plan on dropping it off for my nephew the next time I visit my brother.  Although, I wonder if it’s weak construction will hold up and withstand the punishment of a reckless toddler?  It might actually be a good idea to permanently glue your pieces in the formation of your choosing, as I had trouble getting my edifice to stay together.

Thor: Woohoo!  Now this is fun!  The only thing I can think of I’d rather be doing would be hitting your girl Mary Jane with my mighty hammer… and I’m not talking about Mjolnir!

Spider-Man: “Oh, look at me, I’m Thor, a God of Asgard and big jerk.  I’ve been fighting Loki for 50 years and still haven’t gotten the job done.  I’ve got wings on my stupid helmet because I’m a big dummy.”

Watch the video above to see the thrilling conclusion of a day at Training Camp with Thor and Spider-Man.

Overall Grade: A- 

Be Kind, Don't Leave One Behind

Brian's student project from COM211.

for class we were told to make a 30 second Public Service Announcement.. - of course, knowing me, I declared "nay!" to such boring topics like voter registration, and instead made a commercial about "oprhaned bowel movements.."

see Mom.. all that money we've spent on my college education is paying off!

On the Road w/ RtW - Hamilton, OH

Our ever-popuar "On the Road" series returns, this time we journey to Hamilton, OH, the home of such illuminaries as Joe Nuxhall and Ray Combs (you know, the Family Feud guy that killed himself). This is the third episode of our first season and it's so awesome that it had to be split into two parts. Make sure you watch both of them for maximum enjoyment.

Brian's Favorites of February

RtW TV host Brian goes solo on this one as he presents his book of the month and drink of the month for February -- and a cameo from... Rap Snacks!?