TMNT - Toddler Turtles

The toy gods have finally spoken, and they’ve let it be known that we’ve been a very loyal and appreciative group, and thus awarded us with what we’ve always dreamt of… baby ninja turtles!

I don’t care if you ride a motorcycle and your name is Butch; these things are freaking adorable!  Here, our beloved turtles “are in their earliest stages of ninja training”.  The back of the box points out some highlights; including eager expressions, funky full-head bandanas, and punch-absorbing way-phat baby fat.  Those are the words of the marketing department, not mine!

All four characters have their own unique signature weapons giving us a glimpse of what the future holds; training sai, bo staff, katana sword, and nunchaku.   The action figures have somewhat limited mobility, the arms and legs do move, but only marginally.  However, the design, both in terms of sculpture and paint is flawless.  These things would make great toys for youths, or inspired desk decorations for the more adult crowed.

I truly like these, and think that they’re something most fellow TMNT fans will also appreciate.  You get all four toddler turtles for the price of one standard action figure, which is swell, and you can always go back to the toy store and pick up villain Razor Fist next time… nobody else is buying him.

I wanted to see how an animal would react to these; that is, if their charm would have the same effect on a canine as it did with myself.  Well, judging from the accompanying pictures above… you can make your own decision.  Now, if I could just get my hands on some of that mutagen stuff that bathed and chemically altered the turtles, I could create my very own radical samurai dog!

Overall Grade: A 

Totino’s – Sandwich Rolls – Cheeseburger

Whoever’s idea it was to invent the cheeseburger snack roll was either magnificent or masochistic.  That monumental question aside, someone at Totino’s corporate is responsible for these.  Ask your grandparents to tell you their cheeseburger stories and you’ll likely be whisked away to a simpler time when kids sat around on Friday nights drinking milkshakes, eating fries and burgers, and accusing each other of being communists.

Elektra used her sais as kabobs and fed me each morsel.  Out of all of the varieties I’ve recently consumed, these were the hardest to gauge on the satisfactory scale.  It took me until nearly completing my meal before I had a vague decision rendered.  Although not uniformly bad, I couldn’t see myself dining on these too many more times in the future.  The cheese is a little too much, especially for those of the more health conscious crowd.  In fact, I think Totino’s would be making a wise decision to scrap the Sandwich Rolls line altogether.  I’d really only recommend these to people with a naturally strong inclination to try them; you’ll most likely be disappointed.

As a final treat to all of you for making it through Totino’s week here on Review the World, I present you a special prize!  I found this disturbing sight and thought it’d make a nice gift from me to you.  Thanks for reading!

Overall Grade: C- 

Totino’s – Sandwich Rolls – Ham & Cheese

I’ll admittedly say that of all the varieties sampled, I had the lowest expectations for this one.  I doubted Ham & Cheese as being a viable flavor for a snack roll, I mean, a Hot Pocket, perhaps, but in this form?  I thought it was too simplistic to compete with other more marketable choices, and for the most part my initial concerns were right.

These weren’t bad, really, but were nowhere close to what I’d consider good either.  The taste wasn’t bad, just… lacking.  My Mom suggested dipping them in mustard, which was a swell idea, although not enough to technically save these from doom.  She even made her patented fried green tomatoes to increase the meal’s awesomeness quotient, and though stellar per usual, I still couldn’t get passed the roll’s inadequacies.  Sure, I can see these being a good snack for Mom’s to make for kids on the move, but those with a more vested interest in their personal dining experience, I’d suggest seeking elsewhere.

Overall Grade: C 

Totino’s – Pizza Rolls – Supreme

I’ll come right out and say that this is my favorite variety of Totino’s rolls.  This particular flavor combines both meat and vegetables in a splendid blend of pizza paradise.  What makes Supreme the supreme leader of the pack?  Let’s investigate further!

The most striking feature is, besides your usual meat additions, this snack roll contains onions, mushrooms, and peppers!  The combined flavors create a unique roll, much more authentically Italian in taste.  To the uninitiated, I’d place Supreme atop my recommendations, because it singularly showcases exactly what makes Totino’s Pizza Rolls so irresistible.  No other variety better exemplifies how great a snack you can produce with 10 minutes and a standard oven.  It’ll be hard for Totino’s to ever top these.

Overall Grade: A 

Totino’s – Pizza Rolls – Combination

Arguably the perennial Totino’s roll, Combination combines sausage and pepperoni pizza together in one flavorful hybrid.  As a youth, this flavor, more so than all the others, is the one I most closely link my pizza roll memories to.  As an adult, I’ve acquired tastes for the finer things in life… theatre, art, Pac-Man.  Would Combination live up to its reputation?

Here’s a piping hot plate of Combination rolls, and Daredevil makes a cameo to oversee the lunch lunacy.  The verdict?  I can’t really say that I wholeheartedly enjoyed this endeavor.  Maybe nostalgia had portrayed these incorrectly, because unfortunately they didn’t meet my standards.  I don’t know, perhaps I just didn’t have the appetite for them that particular morning, of maybe it was my body’s way of telling me eating Totino’s rolls twice a day for my only meals was a bad idea.  Regardless, the taste struck me as rather blasé; too many indiscriminate sausage pieces overwhelmed me.  I don’t plan on abandoning all hope on Combination quite yet, though, and will return to this childhood favorite again in the future.  Perhaps it’s the allure of the new Mexican Style Rolls line that has stolen my freezer burnt heart.

Overall Grade: C+ 

Totino’s – Mexican Style Rolls – Chicken & Cheese Quesadilla

Well, after trying the Cheesy Taco flavor of the Mexican Style Rolls line, the bar has been raised pretty high.  Cheesy Taco proved to be truly worthy of the Totino’s brand name, would Chicken & Cheese Quesadilla do the same?

First off, I stuggled with what I believe to possibly be conceptual errors on Totino’s behalf.  Although, surely quesdillas make mighty fine appetizers, are they suitable in roll form?  Is there really even enough there to warrant a roll… just chicken and cheese, right?  I wasn’t feeling too strongly about this one.

Again, I was pleasantly surprised with the final result… although not as much as Cheesy Taco, these were still rather good.  The ingredients were as follows: seasoned chicken, cheese, and cheese sauce.  Two surprises there, at least for me, as I wasn’t expecting the chicken to have much flavor, and who’d have guessed two varieties of cheese would be making cameos?  The chicken had a very good taste, and the tag team of cheese bodyslammed my tongue into succulent submission.  That has to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever said on this website.  Eat these!

Overall Grade: B- 

Totino’s – Mexican Style Rolls – Cheesy Taco

I’ve been a big fan of Totino’s Pizza Rolls for at least a decade now.  Who hasn’t been?  The originator of the often duplicated “pizza roll”, Totino’s has always been on top of the heap.  I, too, am a huge fan of Mexican food… I just love it.  So, obviously, when I heard that Totino’s had created Mexican dining inspired rolls, my reaction was more than just enthusiastic.

First off, you’re probably wondering the same thing I was, what kind of flavor is Cheesy Taco?  Well, alright, most tacos are served with cheese so… I think I can accept it as a valid choice.  My expectations weren’t real high; unfortunately I had pegged Totino’s to fail on this attempt.  I expected due to lack of flavor ingenuity, they’d just put a lot of generic taco seasoning powder in and overpower the palette.

Well, I’m glad to say I was absolutely… wrong!    The ingredients are as follows: taco seasoned beef, cheese, and tomato sauce in a crust.  The beef isn’t overly artificially flavored, and has a rather yummy taste, and the combination of the melted cheese and tomato sauce blend together perfectly.  Everything mixes together well, no one particular taste is too powerful, and the overall flavor was very tasty to my liking.  In short, these are exceptionally good, and quite possibly a new favorite in the Totino’s line.

Overall Grade: A