The other night I was sitting in my apartment craving something delicious to both sooth my soul and aching stomach. I didn’t have enough spare cash to go grab some tacos, ordering pizza wasn’t an option, and I was so burnt out on frozen food that I didn’t even attempt a peak into my refrigerator. Then, when I was afraid all hope was lost, a strange visitor appeared…
Broccoli Brah: Dude! You should, like, totally put more broccolis into your diet! It’s very healthy, man; and, the ladies love it. They eat it up!
Brian: I don’t know… I don’t dislike it, per se, but I’m not particularly keen on eating more of it than I already do. Wait; did you say chicks dig it? That’s ridiculous, and borderline sexist.
Broccoli Brah: Sexist? You mean sexy, bro! Here, I brought you some soup homeboy. If you don’t like it, I’ll leave you alone forever.
Brian: And what if I do enjoy it?
Broccoli Brah: Then we party all… night… long!
So, understandably I was a little unsure of the entire unfolding fiasco. Not only did I think it previously impossible that a talking vegetable could magically appear in my living quarters, but I also couldn’t possibly fathom the gunk in the pot above being anything remotely resembling tasty.
I think the burgeoning dislike for broccoli begins at a tender age, not that it justifies it whatsoever. Due to advertisements and clever marketing, many kids today would rather choose to indulge in unhealthy fast food, or sugar-heavy sweets bearing the likeness of their beloved princesses, or space ninjas, or whatever’s sheik nowadays.
Whomp there it is! Now that’s what I call eating. After all of the preconceived notions and assumptions, I was pleasantly surprised with my quaint dinner. The soup was warm and creamy, and with the requisite seasoning (I’m a huge black pepper fan) everything tasted superb. I’m not going to go as far as to say it was the best soup I’ve ever had, or anything so drastic, but it was satisfying and scrumptious. And, as previously promised, my little broccoli friend and I did party all-night long; however, he unveiled his true form, not the earlier bucktooth, orange sneaker wearing bozo, but something much cooler…
Behold… BroccoliBot 2000!
BroccoliBot 2000: I’m so horny.
Overall Grade: B