Review the World and Totino’s Pizza Rolls go way back (to 2005 in fact). In fact, they have their very own category on the blog – featuring over a half-dozen reviews including many limited time only flavors of yore that are long gone. Among the pizza roll scene I am in the cognoscenti -- a true authority on these baddies. So you know when I discovered these in the wild I absolutely not just had to try them, but to share my scientific studies with you rowdy bunch.
I was at Hooper’s Store on Sesame Street and saw these in the freezer. Instant buy. Now I don’t know FaZe Clan from Innercity Griots but their logo is emblazoned on the bag. Back when I reviewed the “Pizzeria Rolls” a Totino’s twist on popular Italian foods in roll form, I suggested some ingenious ideas of my own including Philly cheesesteak and Indian food rolls. I didn’t have the foresight to predict takes on Chinese takeout faves like Orange Chicken but my interest was piqued. Arguably, if brainstorming on Chinese food rolls, you’d be hard-pressed to offer up a better suggestion than Orange Chicken. Runners-up in a poll I concocted by myself with the lone voter being me were Beef & Broccoli, Sesame Chicken, Teriyaki Chicken, Garlic Shrimp, and Sweet and Sour Pork.
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Just like the old days I tossed in a figurine this time Jason Voorhees as we’re days out from Halloween and my girlfriend and I have been binging horror films for weeks. Right away you get notes of spice and sweetness. That synergy is needed as real orange chicken has that cross between orange marmalade and spicy red chili flakes happening. The orange itself isn’t traceable but you do get sweetness to meet the heat. I may be a savage (I’ve been told it’s a Midwestern thing) but ranch dressing is my dip of choice on all pizza roll varieties. It worked especially well in this case as the creaminess helped counterbalance the spice singe.
Overall these are an unexpected treat, fun to snack on, cool concept, and really, really makes me wish Totino’s would keep the creativity coming. I’d love nothing more than at least 1-2 new flavors yearly but a guy can dream. Thanks for coming to me Ted Totino’s Talk.
Overall Grade: B+
