Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Sweet ‘N Crunchy Funnel Cake Flavored Snack Balls



Brian and pal Eddie review a summer staple, county fair favorite, funnel cake-inspired snack in the snowy streets. Can these snack balls replicate the powdery sugar-coated carnival bliss of a real funnel cake? This review ain’t no parlor trick but it’s as exhilarating as a rickety roller coaster ride! Enjoy!

Sunday, November 3, 2019

Little Farm Pizza Bread Snacks


I've had the pleasure of visiting my friends Will of Casserole of Disaster and DJ D of Retro Ghouls twice this past calendar year and on the first of those two visits I stumbled upon these intriguing and adorable snacks.


To set the scene we'd previously been day drinking at a retro arcade bar a few miles away. Despite my limousine riding, jet flying, playboy lifestyle (insert audience laugh track here) I rarely drink so when offered an open tab by my buddies I was fearlessly trying every neon colored mixed drink the barhop could concoct. If it looked like something from Doctor Dreadful's Freaky Food Lab I was imbibing it.

In an inspired choice Will nabbed us a few pizza pies from a food truck and after only driving a couple minutes he pulled a Dominic Toretto and whipped the car Tokyo Drift-ing our asses into the lot of place called Asia Grocery Store. 


As seen above my girlfriend Tiffany and I were taking in the sights as if we were analyzing artwork in the French Revolution wing of the Louvre. There were so many brightly colored bags of prawn-flavored snacks and sodium-rich noodles that I almost asked if they were hiring just so I could have an excuse to spend 8 hours a day there.



That fun-filled and fantastical day was back in early-July and ever since that bag of snacks had set prominently displayed on a shelf above my fridge for all guests to behold. Today that all changed. Expiring in less than a week this memento to remind me of a great weekend getaway was no longer going to serve as decor but instead sustenance. Despite Internet rumors I don't subsist on a diet entirely of Rap Snacks and Totino's Pizza Rolls.

Of all the snacks in that tiny grocery these were the ones that literally jumped off the shelves and into my clutches. Any nostalgia nerd worth his salt that grew up in the '90's would be lying if they said they're not constantly on the lookout for a replacement for Keebler's Pizzarias a cheese pizza-flavored chip that tasted like Pasqually E. Pieplate looks. Then there's the double-shot of awesomeness that is an Italian-inspired snack made in Thailand and sold out of an Asian grocer right outside Appalachia coupled with miniaturized versions of anything being totally adorable so tiny pieces of toast had my heart swelling.



The bag is multi-lingual but the key information is clear: "pizza lovers" are in for a treat plus a "new way of snacking". In the words of Rex Manning "Say No More Mon Amour".


It makes me beyond happy to be able to tell you these are incredible! The bag was insanely full of air feeling more like one of those balloons haphazardly tied down near the checkout aisles at supermarkets that say "Get Well Soon" with a picture of Garfield looking like he just sat down on a prickly pear cactus or Mr. Pogo's scythe and less a bag of snacks. They get the highest mark for appearances. They truly are miniature pieces of garlic toast made even tastier by having one side coated in a dusting of Italian spices and flavors that recall the corner booth at a '80's neighborhood pizzeria where the pizza was served piping hot, the cola came in big red plastic cups, and a lone arcade game likely Spy Hunter sat in darkened nook next to a fern. I really wasn't sure what to expect and had presumptuously written them off as mere novelty but now I intend on polishing off the rest of the bag tonight while trying to beat my 1995 high score on Kung Fu Heroes.

Overall Grade: A+