Monday, December 28, 2009

OBT presents: Chicks Dig Scars #8

This is an ongoing series from the "Oh, Brother!" Team. Watch us laugh heartily as we hurt ourselves sliding down hills, going down stairs in computer chairs, jumping in bushes, riding shopping carts, pulling pranks, breaking hearts, and other misc. tomfoolery.

Monday, December 21, 2009

OBT presents: Chicks Dig Scars #7

This is an ongoing series from the "Oh, Brother!" Team. Watch us laugh heartily as we hurt ourselves sliding down hills, going down stairs in computer chairs, jumping in bushes, riding shopping carts, pulling pranks, breaking hearts, and other misc. tomfoolery.

Friday, December 11, 2009

OBT presents: Chicks Dig Scars #6

This is an ongoing series from the "Oh, Brother!" Team. Watch us laugh heartily as we hurt ourselves sliding down hills, going down stairs in computer chairs, jumping in bushes, riding shopping carts, pulling pranks, breaking hearts, and other misc. tomfoolery.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

OBT presents: Chicks Dig Scars #5

This is an ongoing series from the "Oh, Brother!" Team. Watch us laugh heartily as we hurt ourselves sliding down hills, going down stairs in computer chairs, jumping in bushes, riding shopping carts, pulling pranks, breaking hearts, and other misc. tomfoolery.

Friday, November 27, 2009

OBT presents: Chicks Dig Scars #4

This is an ongoing series from the "Oh, Brother!" Team. Watch us laugh heartily as we hurt ourselves sliding down hills, going down stairs in computer chairs, jumping in bushes, riding shopping carts, pulling pranks, breaking hearts, and other misc. tomfoolery.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Studying: Missing - One Period

This is a short film I wrote and make a pants-less cameo in for my COM 311 course.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Batman Infinity - Episode #1

Years ago my buddies and I decided to create our own, alternative version of the famed Batman storyline. In our world, villains could be heroes, and vice-versa, characters from other series' could appear, etc. The show was titled Batman Infinity because imagination is infinite.

In the first episode Scarecrow and Red Skull team up to try and get rid of Batman and his sidekick Green Lantern. There's action including some vicious fight scenes and drama as the heroes try to get to the bottom of Scarecrow's dreaded fear toxin. There's also the first appearance of the mysterious J'onn J'onzz.

Friday, November 20, 2009

OBT presents: Chicks Dig Scars #3

This is an ongoing series from the "Oh, Brother!" Team. Watch us laugh heartily as we hurt ourselves sliding down hills, going down stairs in computer chairs, jumping in bushes, riding shopping carts, pulling pranks, breaking hearts, and other misc. tomfoolery.

Friday, November 13, 2009

OBT presents: Chicks Dig Scars #2

This is an ongoing series from the "Oh, Brother!" Team. Watch us laugh heartily as we hurt ourselves sliding down hills, going down stairs in computer chairs, jumping in bushes, riding shopping carts, pulling pranks, breaking hearts, and other misc. tomfoolery.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

OBT presents: Chicks Dig Scars #1

This is an ongoing series from the "Oh, Brother!" Team. Watch us laugh heartily as we hurt ourselves sliding down hills, going down stairs in computer chairs, jumping in bushes, riding shopping carts, pulling pranks, breaking hearts, and other misc. tomfoolery.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

M.A.R.S. - Men Against Rape commercial

This is a PSA (public service announcement) my COM 311 group and I recently finished.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

O.B.T. presents: Crawford #1

For fans of Jackass, welcome to the weird and painful world of the "Oh, Brother!" Team. Featuring misled youth like Old Man Raw Meat Face (aka Brian Hammons, webmaster of Review the World), DJ Kaotic, Crippled Serial Killer, Jesse Numbers, Didge Romeo, and more.

In this episode the boys go to out for an unconventional day at the woods. Watch as they tumble down hills, hit each other with logs, jump into all sorts of bush, get muddy, get wet, and of course, get hurt! This video is a trip down memory lane to 2002, when things were simpler, and we had a lot less scars!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

RtW 2009 Halloween Special

The third annual halloween special and one of our best ever! All kinds of fun stuff featuring Tim doing baking, Brian reviewing random stuff in downtown Indianapolis, and tons more!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Survivng the Swine Flu: Day 7

Review the World webmaster Brian invites us to join him on a "redneck picnic" getaway, his first venture outside his apartment since being quarantined a week ago with the dreaded swine flu.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Airheads - Batman: The Brave and the Bold

Stranded at home on a “sick day” away from classes I feel it’s my duty to bestow upon the Internet an article heralding Airheads’ latest candy concoction calamity.  Everybody doesn’t’ love Raymond.  Hell, I don’t even know who he is.  But, assuredly, everyone does love them some taffy.  This isn’t the first time Airheads has hooked up with pop-culture, they’ve done it plenty of times beforehand, including devoting entire packages to The Spiderwick Chronicles and Cars, as well as a special taffy flavor dedicated to the film TMNT (which I reviewed here).

This time they’ve really went overboard with the promotions, take a look at the splash page of their official website, it’s been taken over by Batman and his crime-fighting chum.  There’s even activities you can do, and trust me, I did.

I would have had this article finished hours ago had I decided to not spend time working on each and every excruciating detail of my masterpiece—a new version of Green Arrow, he’s African American, rocks some sort of airbrushed attire, and judging by the puddle underneath his feet isn’t quite confident enough yet for being a hero.  There’s also some inconspicuous building in the background with the initials “RTW” on the side of it.  I wonder what that’s all about.  There’s also a personality quiz you can take which determines which of six characters you’re most alike.

First up is Blue Beetle and wouldn’t you know it he gets Blue Raspberry as his personal flavor.  This fits, no qualms, not to mention it’s arguably the best flavor in the entire history of taffy.  Its reminiscent to me of a blue raspberry Slush Puppie which was my favorite flavor to drink as a child as I rode along peacefully in the shopping cart while my mom got groceries.

Green Arrow gets Green Apple, which also works splendidly.  I’m usually not a big fan of sour flavors, which undoubtedly in candy aisles green apple always is, but since I made a mockery of his likeliness above I promised to eat this entire tuft of tart taffy.

Red Tornado I remember fondly from childhood as kind of an unsung hero in our toy collection.  I could never really attribute his awesomeness to anything particularly but he, along with other oddballs like Dr. Fate, had a special place in my gang of good guys.  He gets Cherry, and while I know its dreadfully clichĂ© as a flavor, you can’t really argue against it as in terms of pure taste most would concur it’s the best of the batch.

Things starting getting odd right about… now.  Watermelon for Plastic Man?  Really?  Really?  Those with a keen eye (and good memory) will know that this isn’t the first time this particular flavor has reared its brilliantly hued color on this very website.  Years ago I reviewed Watermelon, in an article that actually predated the days of RtW, but appeared here in January of ’05.  I likened it to a dolphin phallus for those keeping record at home.  I was not above childish barbs back then in the comedy landscape of 2004.  I don’t see the connection to Plastic Man whatsoever.  In fact, with it’s sea algae-like color, I really believe it would have been a better fit for our next superhero…

Aquaman!  He’s the brunt of many a brutal joke in fan circles but I’ve got to admit his was the flavor I was most looking forward to tasting.  I’ve been a fan of tangerines since my childhood.  Every Christmas my grandmother (amongst other things) would give us a giant cornucopia of fruit to bring back home with us.  It’s then I developed my fascination and adoration for the fruit.  I’ve got to say Airheads did a pretty good job, its not as much fun as eating the real thing, but a decent slap bracelet-sized facsimile.

Lastly, but certainly not least, is Batman with Grape.  This is another rare, or not everyday, flavor of Airheads taffy.  Its quite dark, which is suitable for the Dark Knight, and upon scratching my head in lieu of actually thinking hard about it I can’t come up with a better flavor in substitution.

Of course, per usual, my cat Tomo wanted to get involved with the proceedings.  I offered her a lick of my monstrous amalgam taffy.  She declined, and after leaving the room for a few minutes, returned only to find my cherished tangerine taffy now had a sizeable amount of cat hair stuck to it.

I thought there was supposed to be tangerine taffy?

About that…

Oh, you think its funny?  You think you’re an everyday Deon the Distasteful, eh?

What?  No!  I don’t even like Deon…

It’s Vader time!

Overall Grade: B 

Friday, October 9, 2009

Thursday Night Takeout - Dragon City

The debut episode of a new, ongoing series dedicated to reviewing all of the small, under the radar, Chinese restaurants we can find. In this episode we check out Dragon City in Cheviot, OH! Paul battles the disturbingly odd lobster sauce and child labor laws come under question!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Hidden Gems of Fairfield, OH

Paul and Brian take us on a tour of some of the lesser known, but totally awesome, places and things in Fairfield, OH.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

NBA Gummies

Most of my friends know me as a guy who loves cartoons from his childhood, spending long nights at home with Leonardo and Shipwreck instead of out gallivanting the local nightclubs and social scenes.  But, while I do enjoy comic books and old Nintendo games, many are unaware of my long lasting admiration and fanaticism with NBA basketball.  There was nearly a decade where I dropped interest, but in the last few years, if nothing else, I’ll try to catch highlights of the games and keep up with the standings, etc.  I think basketball is one of the fastest-moving sports, so much action, tons of personalities, etc. and I look forward each autumn to when a new season begins.  To celebrate I won’t be painting my face in the colors of the Atlanta Hawks, no, I’ll be writing about some gummy snacks from 2006 that have been sitting in a closet for over three years.

The first variety of gummy is shaped in the facsimile of a basketball jersey.  This is a good, fitting idea; although, it’d have been nice if they actually patterned them after authentic jerseys and not just generic ones that say “NBA”.  The colors are odd, too—all yellow jersey with yellow lettering as well?  How could anybody read anyone’s name or number on the back of their jerseys?  On the far right is Jermaine O’Neal, known best for punching a loudmouthed Detroit fan in the face during a wild brawl between players and spectators a few years ago.

I like this one, arguably my favorite; it’s an athletic tennis shoe that surprisingly uses two colors.  Upon opening one it fell into pieces—not sure if that’s faulty design or nearly 1000 days of entombment in a musty closet.

This one’s incredibly lame, it’s the NBA logo, but after three consecutive summers the details have melted away into one, lump piece of off-white ass.

The basketball was also an obvious but welcomed addition.  However, why in the hell is one of the basketball’s swampy green?  Maybe if these were designed to represent basketball of the Mutant League variety and not the NBA.

Speaking of, in Mutant League Football, a years long battle between my big brother and I saw his Deathskin Razors behind 26 wins to 18 to my Icebay Bashers.  I think its time to continue the rivalry.

In closing, these were pretty cool, a novel concept, although the execution was lacking.  NBA has never really been marketed successfully in regards to candy.  I guess a gummy rendering of John Stockon wouldn’t be that appetizing to youth in general.  I think had I ate these when they were fresh I’d have been happier overall.  As it was, I barely nibbled on one for a few seconds before throwing in the proverbial towel and quitting.  But, these aren’t the only fossilized candies in my closet… what kind of stale sweets might Review the World see in its future?

Overall Grade: C+ 

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Late Summer Drive w/ Brian and Tim

It's the end of summer and a new video on RTWTV ... Brian and Tim go on a late summer adventure across southwest Ohio. From Mason to Fairfield and from Kings Island to downtown Hamilton, it's all here. Featuring music from Ellison, Copeland, and The Minibosses, this is sure to cap off your summer in the same way it capped off ours ... awesome! Did we mention that Brian faces off with Taco Bell volcano nachos?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Gatlinburg, TN Roadtrip - June 2001

This is something else.  Part of the appeal to me of keeping this blog going, amid insurmountable debt, depleting free time, college workload, etc. is the opportunity to immortalize things.  Sure, generally they’re banal and of not much interest to the general public, but it feels inexplicably good to put pieces of myself, my past, out there for the world to bare witness to.  My landmark article 25 Years of Me is both a fan favorite and personal accomplishment for me.  Now, I’m too young to start thinking of my legacy yet, not the type to thumb through tombs in decrepit old libraries pondering what will be thought of me long after my time has expired here on earth; but, while Review the World still has a heartbeat I plan on continuing sharing of myself honestly and genuinely because that’s what this project is all about.

So, let’s talk about Gatlinburg, shall we?  Back in June of 2001, my then girlfriend Molly, friends Steve and Didge (short for 7 Digits—it’s a long story) took a trip there for a getaway weekend.  Now, first and foremost, I need to warn those who brave the videos below, these were shot for our own amusement and preservation, never were they intended to be shared, especially en masse, with the entire world.  Watching this home video back now—wow.  In the past eight years so much has changed.  The only one of the three that I still speak to is Steve, and had he not recently had a child with my cousin, speaking candidly we’d probably not talk all that much, either.  In the video, us guys, and embarrassingly myself predominantly, sometimes speak in a high-pitched shorthand vernacular that’s no so much colloquial speak but just damn annoying.  I apologize ahead of time but make no explanation here.  The video is as it was originally shot, frame for frame, as I took nothing out.

As I said, a lot has changed since then, for me, for all of us, but it’s a lot of fun, even if just momentarily, to drift back to a more simplistic time, when freedom seemed to be abundant, and the future was a big, beautiful mystery.

The first section has a lot of variety.  It starts out with my alarm blaring at 8:00AM as I shot the first second of footage before even leaving my bed.  Steve picks me up, and then we’re off, picking up Molly and later Didge.  We take care of some last minute things, drive through our hometown of Hamilton, OH, seeing a few interesting characters along the way.  The drive to Tennessee is captured including a pit stop for lunch.  The video ends with us arriving at our hotel, the Family Inn, in Pigeon Forge, TN.  We get lost trying to find our rooms.

Next, we hop a fence and take a swim in a restricted pool area.  Later, we take a drive down the strip in Gatlinburg to get our first glimpse of the city’s nightlife.  Lastly, and one of the more memorable incidents, I get a call from next door only to discover Steve had completely broken his bed.  Needless to say, he wasn’t too happy when I showed up with the camcorder laughing hysterically.

So, someone was sent to look at Steve’s shattered bed; in the meantime, we headed out for some late-night arcade action.  In some footage that best exemplifies our trip, you see us all playing different games, the highlight being Steve’s two battles with Uncle Fester and his electrifying challenge game, as well as an ancient old man peering over Steve’s shoulder in one of my favorite visuals.  The video ends with the morning of our second day, as I document the wildness of the previous night and we start off for another day of adventure.

The first-half of this part shows us just making our way from lunch to downtown Gatlinburg and exploring on foot.  The second-half was kind of a fun thrill for me, as, I essentially brought my camcorder with me on a free tour of the amazing Ripley’s Believe It or Not museum.  I’m not sure how it translates, especially to someone who has never been there, but for me, it was one of the trip highlights getting access and filming freely inside of there.

The fifth part has a lot of good stuff on it.  First, we set off to the World of Illusions.  Now, firsthand, this place was incredibly cheap and ridiculous, which is sort of charming in retrospect, but at the time, we walked through it making bad cracks and obscure inside jokes throughout the entire thing.  Next, we walk through some nearby stores, including one particularly dank grocery where I find a “packaged woman”.  Lastly, we meet, amuse, chat, and harass a guy working at the Hard Rock CafĂ©.  Oddly enough, several years later, I was back in the area and he was still working the door there.

This is probably the most odd portion of the video, as we took an alternate route back to our parked car and walked for what felt like eternity.  To distract myself I let the camera roll a lot of the way and documented our disgruntled journey.

We then played a scary amount of putt-putt (or miniature) golf.  There is one thing you need to see, the rest, well, skip it unless you’ve got an inordinate amount of time on your hands.  What is it?  I got a fucking hole in one on my very first swing on the first hole!  Now that I could watch all day…

Yes, I’m afraid so, more from the same long, arduous game of miniature golf.  Now, don’t get me wrong, it was a blast when it was actually transpiring.  But, if you sit through this whole thing, well, you’ll earn yourself some sort of ribbon of RtW super fan legitimacy.

The last portion shows the epic (well not really) finale to the miniature golf game.  It also shows Steve and Didge braving skydiving of sorts.  Lastly, we say our goodbyes to our seedy lodgings, hit one last arcade for some farewell gaming, and hit the road back to Ohio.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Big Sandwiches and Li'l Goodies

Brian and Paul discovers a backwoods diner with humongous sandwiches and then a tiny treat shop where they come face-to-face with the delicious dessert delicacy known as "cookie monster".

Saturday, July 18, 2009

RtW visits Sonic Drive-In

Brian and Paul make an impromptu stop at Sonic Drive-In where they encounter the disgusting, monstrous Country Fried Steak Toaster with bacon. It's a guaranteed, greasy good time!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Go! Road Trip #3

In the boys third road adventure they end up in Lawrenceburg, Indiana! Watch as they walk historic streets, discover a floating restaurant on a river, search for Gremlins, and more!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Go! Road Trip #2

On their second, spontaneous road trip adventure, Brian, joined by Paul and his then girlfriend Beth, meet a kindred spirit in a search for authentic BBQ, run directly into a gay pride parade, and explore one of the most fun and cool, yet simultaneously bizarre and creepy toy stores in the universe.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Go! Road Trip #1

Brian and Paul hit the road in this series' debut. They start off with some beverages, make their way to Cheviot and explore convenience and candy stores, drive into the suburbs of Cincinnati, find a really old pharmacy, sample the goods at a small bakery, visit a sauna-like comic book store, encounter The Cryptkeeper, discover a double-decker White Castle, end up in Cleves, grab a cup of coffee at a diner, and more!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Energy Drink Challenge

My friend and site contributor Paul had been discussing an idea that’d germinated in his head long ago of an epic, colossal energy drink challenge.  In it, they’d pit the most popular and beloved of the beverage world’s rebellious brethren against some of the seediest and surreal unknown entries in the world of energy drinks.

It’s a five-on-five energy drink throwdown for taste and packaging supremacy!  Who will be the winners?  Will Paul and Brian live through the war?  Enjoy!

Team Mainstream 


Team Unknowns 

Video #1: The Reviews (9:41) 

Video #2: The Reviews (9:29) 

Video #3: The Reviews (9:45) 

Video #4: The Reviews (9:18)

Video #5: The Aftermath (4:42)

After sampling all of the drinks and making their verdict, Brian and Paul get the nefarious idea of mixing all of the beverages together to create the ultimate energy cocktail.  The results are shocking.  Watch and see!

Video #6: Bonus Footage (9:55)

Bonus footage from the night of the first-ever Energy Drink Challenge includes reviews of two Thailand energy drinks (M-150 and Dark Scorpion) and  Zapps’ Voodoo Gumbo and Spicy Cajun Crawtators potato chips!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

A Surprise for a Boy

You’ve maybe seen bags, or sacks, think I like sacks better, in dollar stores promising mysteries for both boys and girls alike.  As a kid, the gimmick worked, you’re damned curious about the contents of the bag, and certain they’re worth well more than the measly $1 price tag would suggest.  Paper bags, usually reserved for holding your packed lunch, became somehow suddenly cooler and more desirable than cotton candy or that weird sensation you felt when at the public pool you’d stand against the vent that shot out a constant stream of warm water against your genitals.

Well, the mystique is gone; behold the contents of the marvelously mysterious surprise bag…

A deck of playing cards that’d already been opened and sort of smelt like those secretive poker games seen in movies played in the backroom of Chinese restaurants in New York where crime deals are birthed.  The cards themselves feel ancient, the paper coarse, as if once handled by Henry II, Duke of Bavaria, in-between revolts and attempted throne usurping.

The pencil doesn’t do much for me.  I don’t have a sharpener lying around the apartment; so, it’ll have to serve some other purpose.  It has random words on it, including “WAY COOL!” which ironically is its complete opposite.

This eraser reminded me of the purplish blue prehensile tongue of the okapi.  I find this correlation to be troubling but I’ll leave it be.

I found something to do with the pencil.  It makes for a perfectly fine cat-poking tool!

This one is really confusing.  I mean, is this a cookie cutter?  I think it is, but I’m not really sure.  And why is it in the shape of a fish?  Don’t get me wrong; I’m a huge backer of aquariums and the exotic allure of the deep blue see.  But, a bunch of fish-shaped oatmeal cookies?  Show me the young boy who desires a fish-shaped cookie cutter and I’ll show you an alien in a child costume playing you for a fool.

This one’s really lame.  For starters, they don’t glow, not at all.  Secondly, it seems a bit dangerous, even with a printed warning, to encourage kids to put something so small and potentially dangerous into their sugar-sated mouths.  I suppose you could take your newborn into a rave and his mouth would glow faintly while the bad techno ruined their delicate ears as you danced and ate pills with Fernando and a couple of his friends from Biology 112.

This bag was surprising.  Surprisingly awful!  I think I’ll go play with my cat now.

Overall Grade: D 

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Our Magical Days at Disney

This is Brian from Review the World! My wife, Amanda, put together her first edited video and I wanted to share it with everybody:

"This video is a collection of bits and pieces of our Disney trips. My husband and I are big fans and we go every year."

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Super Hero Valentine's Day Cards

Valentine’s Day is here again!  Get out the roses, chocolates, and lubricant!  Is it a romantic holiday, or, something more nefarious?  Could it be an ingenious marketing ploy by the card companies like Hallmark?  Who knows, or really cares, because if you’re like me, it’s an excellent excuse to get out of the house with a loved one, go out to a fancy dinner, and remind ourselves that love and humor are two things that make us uniquely human and should be celebrated.  What do superheroes have to do with Valentine’s?  Well, besides most heroes having significant others in the comics, not a lot, but when it comes down to children’s Valentine’s cards there’s not a lot of other, more accurate, choices for boys.

So, with that said, we’re going to take a look at some of what I found to be the oddest of the odd.  I have found memories of elementary school, I’d like to think I was relatively popular with the young ladies, and received a rather large pile of cards on my desk.  I wonder if anyone will be receiving these heroic cards on the special day?

Iron Man burst into theaters last year, making huge box office dollars, and blowing peoples’ minds.  Due to that movie’s overwhelming success, Iron Man merchandise isn’t too hard to find, so it’s no surprise he’d make his Valentine’s debut this year.  On the left card we’re told to have a “heavy metal” V-Day (which I’ll now be lovingly referring to it as).  Really?  Headbanging hyjinks aside, I never really thought metal and pink flowers went together, but even Slayer fans fall in love!  To the right, a “high-flying” V-Day is wished for us, the first of many cards we’ll see in this article that I find to subtly imply drug-use on V-Day.

“Target: Engaged!”  Seriously?  Holy shit!  I’m just trying to take this girl out for salad, steak, and sodomy, dude!  I’m not looking to get my torso blown into bits.  Is this a threatening V-Day card, or what?

So, when they say, “Armor Up!” are they saying, “Wear a condom!”?  And lastly, is Valentine’s Day supposed to be “thrilling”?  Sure, maybe the heart might beat a bit faster, as you lean forward for a special kiss, but when I think thrilling I’m imaging car chases, explosions, and pirates and cowboys playing Checkers with hand grenades.

My V-Day cards came with a poster and stickers!  Thanks Tony Stark, you damn drunk!

So, remember what I said above about these cards hinting at carefree drug-use?  I rest my case.

“Your secrets are safe!”  Notice the exclamation point?  Who’d be the recipient of one of those bad boys?  I’d be kind of freaked out, personally.  And then, “harness the power”, which befuddles me.  Really, I’m drawing a blank on this one’s relevance to anybody without super powers of their own.

This was an extra big V-Day card, and, I decorated it appropriately with a sticker-covered crotch.

The Superman cards came with tons of temporary tattoos.  Well, I suppose the iconic logo gets permanently tattooed on plenty of hapless halfwits, but at least give us the original, not the bastardized movie version.

The Incredible Hulk is known for his anger issues, but wow, his V-Day cards are just criminally un-romantic.  You hope “it’s a blast”?  You mean, like the one Bruce Banner was involved in, that soaked him in gamma radiation, thus turning him into a green psychopath with the most complicated life imaginable?  No thanks!  “Feel your pulse rising!” ladies!  Or, don’t, because if you get one of these it’s likely to be met with a lukewarm reaction like a biopic on Notorious B.I.G.

I don’t think any females want their male counterparts to have “raging” good times on V-Day; that’d likely entail police violations, unabashed lawlessness, and utter anarchy.  Check please!  “Hulk out!”  This is a joke, right?  I sure hope so, because I just picked myself up from the floor where I writhed in a fit of laughter at the mere thought of that being a suitable V-Day card for anyone not locked in a psychiatric ward.

I think getting and/or receiving a “Have an incredible smash!” card is a precursor to future spousal abuse.  And lastly, “Paint the town green!”  I’m not sure what this implies.  So, I guess we’ll take it literally, and do the following to our families and friends:

Sorry, Joshua, the V-Day card Cindy gave me told me to do it!

Well, as I write this, my wife is working an overnight shift, so I’ve prepared her a V-Day surprise in her absence.  Behold a kitchen cabinet pre-Valentine’s magic—now open the door slowly…

Look out!  Yes, Hulk will be jumping into our faces whenever we need a glass or bowl for now on.  Or, until my wife tears down this crudely produced novelty poster and tosses it in the garbage.