With a name like this undoubtedly you’re thinking I used a time machine to go back in the past and visit one of those old-fashioned soda fountains of yesteryear. Well – yes and no. First, if I could travel backwards in time, I wouldn’t be sipping on a chocolate shake; I’d be teaching Abraham Lincoln how to breakdance and spending time getting to know the misunderstood brontosauruses, offering a hug and empathizing that somebody does in fact care. My restaurant radar went off when an anonymous tip to check this place out came into the offices one afternoon. I jumped on top of my desk and did an impromptu dance – my secretary spit her coffee out and quit. On an aside, if there are any 18 to 28 year old females with knowledge on cereal promotions and obscure cartoons please contact me immediately.
Just look at the interior of this place – it’s an actual drugstore and retro candy cornucopia, too! You can get vitamins and bandages over in one section, and that counter on the left-hand side is where a matronly old lady sells lemon drops and gumballs to adoring children. Not shown in the picture is an actual bar you can sit at, where you can order and enjoy sodas or ice cream for those nostalgic souls amongst us. On the right is a picture from my seat of the outside, showcasing Middletown, OH. Doesn’t it look like a generic painting? I’m not familiar with this town whatsoever, but apparently their once bustling downtown district has been reduced to boarded-up businesses and trash trading transsexual prostitutes. It’s all good in the hood, my friends – it most certainly is.
There I am grinning for the camera like there’s no tomorrow. Yes, I fully realize I’m wearing a red t-shirt that depicts the storyline from A Charlie Brown Christmas in sequential pictures in the warm Spring – that’s part of my alleged charm. Say hello to some other RTW celebrities – on the left is Adam from the wrestling section, and on the right, feast your eyes upon Nick from RtW TV and of the Freestyle Walking Club. We don’t even know what the fuck sundries are – how’s that for rebelliousness?
I got the bacon cheeseburger with Swiss cheese and all the fixings, some Coca-Cola with fresh lemon, and a unique variation of coleslaw that was more akin to minced fingernails seasoned with onions and carrots. The burger was good – it helped, of course, that I was completely starving when I devoured it. The bacon wasn’t in strips, as expected, but instead one large piece that resembled a chunk of Freddy Kruger’s back after spending too much time tanning. The fixings were fresh and nice accompaniments. The fries weren’t anything to rave about, although slightly above average if forced in comparison, and complimented the sandwich equaling a nice well-rounded lunch. The coleslaw was a completely different beast, one in which I can’t find the courage to suitably summarize at this moment in my life.
In closing, this is a neat little forgotten restaurant, that I fear may close its doors, not altogether unlike many girls did in my face back in high school. The food was fine, although a bit pricey, but the atmosphere (eating amongst irritable men looking for laxatives and children hunting jellybeans) and ambiance inside more than made up for that.
Overall Grade: B+
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