When most people think of old school video game icons, they’re likely to recall Super Mario, Donkey Kong, Link, Pac-Man, etc. Today, we’re going to give another legend his rightful due, and I’m talking about our favorite boy in blue… Megaman! Megaman blasted into many of our prepubescent hearts in the 1980’s—since then, his likeliness has given birth to dozens of video game sequels, merchandise galore, several cartoon series’, etc. In terms of sheer fame alone, there’s not many game goliaths that can rank alongside Megaman; with the obvious exception, of course, being Mario himself, and maybe Sonic the Hedgehog, if you’re silly.
If you’d like to know more about Megaman, and would like to laugh while doing so, the notorious Seanbaby did a feature on Megaman years back—it’s still riotously entertaining. Today, I’m going to be looking at a specific Megaman item; they released a slew of Megaman toys, depicting several different variations and versions of our hero. Although there were many available choices, I followed my heart, and choose the original Megaman. I wanted to open the package right then, in the middle of the mall, and take my new buddy for a pretzel and milkshake, but alas, the unveiling of my new toy took place at home.
Instead of doing your typical review, looking at the toy’s sculpt and articulation, Megaman and I both agreed he deserved something a little better… something a little different. In his games, in pursuit of stopping the villainous and nefarious evil genius Dr. Wily, Megaman is in a constant state of adventure. I sent Megaman on a scavenger hunt from my kitchen to roam my apartment, in search of my House Party DVD. I figured this way, we’d see if he deserved to be modeled after the legit Megaman—let’s see how he did, shall we?
Here, we see Megaman, poised and posed amidst canisters of crushed red peppers and a potentially dangerous electric outlet. Will he survive this sordid ordeal?
Whoops! It appears he’s off to a rough start. After battling through the soapy sink, and making his way through the microwave maze, our blue pal found himself dangling in a very precarious position. He was mindful not to insult my interior decorating choices, which would have deducted points from his final evaluation. He’s kicked Gutsman’s butt a dozen times, and continually makes Woodman look like a punk-ass bitch; but the question remains, can he survive?
I’m sorry you have to see him like this, but, alas, while waging war in the frozen confines of the freezer domain Megaman got frostbite and his adventure was put on a permanent hold. His grave is alongside countless TV dinners, but not too close to the Salisbury steak one—that’s mine. I said a few kind words at the funeral, read an excerpt from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and then proceeded to close the door on Megaman’s short legacy.
“It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.”
In the end, as a toy I give you mad props, but as an adventurer, you let me down. Luckily, I found my copy of House Party; it was underneath the futon the entire time--thanks anyway, Megaman!
Overall Grade: B