Thursday, January 12, 2006

Stewie's Mind Erase Elixir

I’d never seen a single episode of The Family Guy, and wasn’t particularly concerned by this statistic, when I eventually gave in sometime last year and got all the requisite DVD box sets from the local library.  After procuring them, I eventually convinced myself late one night that watching them was a better option then spending another hour playing Snood.  At first, I wasn’t too impressed.  I thought the show was trying a little too hard to be clever, and I didn’t find myself taking an interest to it one way or the other.  In the end, I did eventually warm up to the series a lot, although I’m still far from fanatical.  I like all the absurd and obscure pop culture references.

I was at work a few weeks ago, and due to the holidays, they were schilling out all kinds of ridiculous items hoping for that impulse shopper to wander by, and waste their meager earnings.  One such item, today’s review, Stewie’s Mind Erase Elixir was too incongruous to pass up.  The label art suggests “VICTORY WILL BE MINE”, which could possibly be some quasi-political statement; it also states “STUPEFACTION GUARANTEED”, which ultimately, was a fairly truthful declaration.

From seeing the can itself, I presumed it’d be little more than a Red Bull knockoff—a semi-bitter generic golden energy drink concoction.  I busted out a wine glass so you could fully feast your eyes upon the hue and tint of this beguiling beverage.  Upon seeing its bizarre blue color, I was even further enthralled by this mysterious drink.

I thought that it’d be best, and safest, to have some friends around while investigating this questionable consumable.  Jessie, brave soul he is, decided he’d be the first to take a taste.  After swallowing, he made a sour face, as if he’d just watched the terrible film Darkness, and proceeded to tell us his thoughts.  He said it reminded him of a potion from some Nintendo game he couldn’t quite recall the name of, perhaps Wizards and Warriors, but then he trailed off incoherently and started babbling something altogether foreign in origin.  Amanda was next, she took a big gulp, then started to say that the taste reminded her of something… but she couldn’t remember what.  Tired of the inconclusive commentary provided by my counterparts, I leaped into action, and took a sip of Stewie’s signature sauce.  My initial thoughts were… this shit is awful!  It sort of tastes like melted Popsicle, at first, but the aftertaste is very metallic, take giving Ironman a blowjob for example.  The second thing that puzzled me, was… wait a minute… what in the hell is going on?  Who are these odd people in these pictures?  What is this screen I’m looking at, and furthermore, why are all of these ads popping up?  Who in the fuck is Stewie?

Overall Grade: C- 

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