We all know about Girl Scouts and their infamous cookies. They’re addicting, plus, how can you say no to a Girl Scout? Unless they’re asking you to pay for sexual favors – then you just need to get the hell out of there. I’ll usually be coerced into buying multiple boxes of these fattening fan favorites. Now, I’ve been told in the past that I’m a gullible guy. I mean, when I was a kid, after playing Super Mario Bros. for the first time, I immediately rode my bike to the local pet shop. I purchased a turtle, took it out to the parking lot, and began jumping up and down on it, wondering why I wasn’t receiving my unlimited 1 Ups. I don’t even want to get into the story of the vomit stained college party, that I tried to leave via using a whistle, like Link did in The Legend of Zelda – but, I digress.
What makes these cookies so irresistible? It’s not their rarity, because these things aren’t that rare. When I use the term rare, I’m not talking, like obscure German expressionist film rare – I’m talking Michael Keaton blowjob Polaroid rare. You dig? There are many varieties, but I’m partial to Caramel deLites, a delicious blend of chocolate, caramel, coconut, and that perfect cookie crunch. The cookie per cash ratio isn’t very high, but damn if those Girl Scouts don’t know how to make some wicked sweets. You won’t be disappointed, like getting a handjob with no climax, or watching The Rock and his one-dimensional performance in Doom, it’s guaranteed, or some sacred Girl Scouts oath or something. Eat these, and then eat yourself… later!
Overall Grade: B