I saw this at my local hangout, which is the dollar store, and as undeniably sad as that disclosure is, this particular finding was certainly a good thing. Nobody can pinpoint when the gummy invasion of our candy aisles started, but there’s no denying it. You can find gummy hotdogs, hamburgers, eggs, etc.; hell, I’d wager if you looked hard enough you could even find yourself a gummy penis.
Here’s our pizza sans toppings, and while it’s not necessarily an eyesore, I think it’d look much better with a little pizzazz. Pizza with pizzazz! That’s genius.
We’ve got some sour, slimy fluid that is supposed to represent pizza sauce. It’s ridiculously sticky, as are some of the best things in life. Think about it.
The cheese comes in the form of thousands of minuscule particles of sugary goodness. There was way more given than necessary, but that’s not a complaint, just the stating of a fact. And, for the record, you can call off the Internet poll – the moon isn’t made of cheese, it’s made of moon.
Here’s my favorite part… the toppings! Also, focus your eyes momentarily on the finished product. You’ve got to admit that it looks rather tasty, and I can personally guarantee that it was hand tossed. While waiting for a bus once, this guy wearing a denim jacket told me that he liked his women like he liked his pizza, “deep dish.” To this day, I’ve got no idea what that meant.
Late in the game, I noticed I had this miniature spoon. The only cooler than a miniature spoon would have been a miniature pizza cutter.
Amanda was the first to try a slice, and seemed to find it moderately satisfying.
I went next (rocking the Scotland t-shirt) and thought that it was the greatest thing I’d tasted since the last great thing that I’d tasted. Which I think was Cherry 7-Up, because that stuff is yummy personified.
I thought out of all of the toppings, this little mushroom was king, and kind of adorable in its own way. That’s why I sacrificed it to a nearby Tyrannosaurus. Then we went outside to toss Frisbee, and wax philosophical about jazz records and our nation’s foreign policies. That was until he prematurely ruined the day, by eating a nearby civilian taking a walk. Dinosaurs make bad friends.
Overall Grade: B+