Friday, May 6, 2005

Techno Tacos

Magnificent Toy Theatre presents: 
Techno Tacos
I wrote this a year or two ago and it’s embarrassingly bad.  I thought I’d share.


PLUMBER
There isn’t really a lot you can do about it, man.  You know?

TURTLE BOT
There must be something.

PLUMBER
She’s got a new man now.  Let him deal with her.

TURTLE BOT
Yeah.

PLUMBER
That’s what we call some of that old bullshit.  But, you see, there are other robots in the technological sea, my friend.

TURTLE BOT: 
But not with microchips like that…


TERRY KENYON
Hey, fuckfaces.  What’s new?

PLUMBER
Hey, be cool, our buddy here just lost his lady and is feeling low.  Show some compassion you Texas prick.

TERRY KENYON
Yeah, sure...  The only thing I’m passionate about is fucking.


TURTLE BOT
What in the hell are you?


TERRY KENYON
I’m one of those old-fashioned types.  I like to get in the dirt and sweat all day.  Come home to a fine beer and a finer piece of ass.

PLUMBER
There’s nothing wrong with putting in a hard day’s work, but your vision of females is disgusting.

TERRY KENYON
Don’t tell me you’ve never put a wrench in a girl after you finished fixing her sink.  I know you like to clean those pipes.

TURTLE BOT
Why are friends with this guy again?


TERRY KENYON: 
My natural good looks?


PLUMBER
You’re an idiot, Terry.  Turtle Bot, don’t worry, you’ll find true love soon enough.

TERRY KENYON
Right, and I’ve got four green testicles.

TURTLE BOT
You’ve got four green testicles?

TERRY KENYON
No.  I was trying to be ironic.

PLUMBER
Well, I think I’m going to call it a night guys.  I’ve got some janitorial duties tomorrow morning I have to attend to.

TURTLE BOT
Later Plumber.

TERRY KENYON
Adios ass.



TURTLE BOT
You’re really something else you know that?

TERRY KENYON
Man, that’s what I’ve wanted to talk to somebody about.  See, I’m not really this macho dude I brag about to everyone.

TURTLE BOT
What are you saying?

TERRY KENYON
I’m soft.  I use this tasty exterior and my behavior as a means, a shell if you will, to protect my delicate insides.  I was hurt a lot by girls and bullies as a young lad, and frankly I figured if I couldn’t beat them than I would just join them.  You understand, right?  You old rusty dog you.

TURTLE BOT
I guess I can sympathize with your position.

TERRY KENYON
Speaking of positions…


TERRY KENYON
Hey there asshole!  Nice mask.  You see Cindy’s boobies yet?

TURTLE BOT
I can’t believe this guy.


TURTLE BOT: 
True love exists.  I just need to stop thinking with my circuit board and use my heart instead.  I’ve got to cancel my subscription to Techno Tacos…

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