Well, it’s 10:30 on a school night, and right now I should be starting on a six-page rhetorical analysis paper for my English class. I choose to do the paper on Booker T. Washington’s Atlanta Exposition Address. But, it’s freaking October; the leaves are dying, candy is more readily available than any other time of the year, and papier-mâché bats are like… totally in! Score! In all seriousness, ahem, its Halloween season!
I wish I had the time and money to buy every Halloween related piece of junk I’ve seen this past couple weeks and write about them. From the fancier department store fare, to the cheap dollar store variety, anything orange or with a witch on it has a place in my heart. So, without further adieu, the first, and certainly not last…. Halloween related article!
Cereal spokespersons… know anything about them? I’m not talking about that toucan, or captain guy, or even that silly rabbit with his pedophile tendencies. How about Count Chocula? Surely, you’ve heard that name, right? In the early 1970’s General Mills introduced us to several monster themed cereals. Count Chocula is the most well known, and still appears regularly in supermarkets to this very day. In terms of favoritism, he’s just too easy. What about Franken Berry, then? With his pink hue and goofy disposition, he just doesn’t do it for me, although, his cereal tastes pretty damn good.
So who’s my favorite? Boo Berry! I mean, how could you not love a blueberry-flavored ghost… that’s wearing a freaking straw hat! I don’t even want to get started on his ridiculously cool red bowtie. Nowadays, Boo only makes appearances once a year around October, the last several years I’ve bought a box of his patented cereal and afterwards cut off the front of the box as a tearful memento of the time we shared. General Mills, you’re not getting off the hook quite that easy… they also made Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute (featuring lime flavored marshmallows!), which failed miserably.
Background info… check! So, now that we’ve discussed the cereal that inspired today’s review, let us feast our eyes on an abomination of marketing strategy! Boo Berry lip balm! My girlfriend, knowing the dork that she shares an apartment with well, saw this while out at a mall and brought it back for me. To say I was surprised is an understatement, not at the kind gesture… but it’s Boo fucking Berry flavored lip balm! Who invented this, and does he have a PayPal account, because he deserves my life savings! Well, actually, that’s not a very nice compliment… since I’m broke, but I’d at least buy him a fish taco and diet soda. Who said I wasn’t a giving guy? (Note to my brother and all ex-girlfriends: Don’t answer that question.)
So Mr. Review the World, does it work? Is it any good? Does it taste like Boo Berry… we’ve got to know! The answer is… kind of? The lip balm is serviceable, it appears to do the trick and that’s fine. Does it taste like Boo Berry? Well, not exactly. It’s blueberry flavored lip balm. There… I said it! But, that’s not to say I don’t appreciate the effort. I mean anything using the likeliness of my favorite ghost gets some bonus points. Could they capture the authentic taste of Boo Berry in a lip balm? I don’t really know, but I will be buying several boxes of Boo Berry cereal this year to stockpile it for the grueling Ohio winter months. If you try to find me and steal it, I’ll kill you with a shovel like Tom Cruise did Tim Robbins in that creepy scene in War of the Worlds. What now?
Overall Grade: B