Saturday, April 22, 2017

Christmas Box of Crap

Greetings gang! Recently I stormed social media via the RtW Facebook & Twitter to poll fans, followers, and freaks on what they want to see here on Review the World. There was an overwhelming support for more written articles a la RtW's early days so I'm dusting off either my typewriter or ink and quill then reciting my prose to a stenographer who'll type it all up in a palatable digital form and ensure it gets delivered to each and every one of your eyes!

To shake off the cobwebs I'm opening a file of an unused, untouched article I'd started a draft of the first week of 2017 then left to rot while I doodled Street Sharks on scrap paper and made long distance phone calls. And to think I thought the Hulk Hogan Hotline was still in service!

This past Christmas I got a very pleasant surprise. While attending the annual Christmas party for my wife's side of the family I received a box of pure unadulterated pop ephemera and utter junk. The family's a large crowd so we draw names and exchange gifts. Typically this yields in either A) me getting a Best Buy or Amazon gift card because I love movies but who can keep track of what I've seen and/or already own, or B) a restaurant gift card because I also dig sustenance.

But kudos go out to Heather who was incredibly thoughtful and handpicked a box full of just the sort of randomness that makes RtW's neon green heart tick. Not only was it an odd assortment of clearance bin detritus but it was also in a box with an old school Review the World logo adorning the side!

This was really one of my favorite gifts this past Christmas period. I decided I'd give it tribute by embarking on a full-scale review of its cluttered contents. But here's the thing: that was four months ago and after only taking a handful of pictures of individual items and being intermittently low on groceries or snacks at home I ended up enjoying most of it all by my lonesome. So while it deserved an in-depth review I'll have to pay my respects via crude macaroni art I'll cobble together while watching that zany Robin Williams' poop scene in RV and the meager offerings below.

Seasonally appropriate here's Herr's Peppermint Puffs! Right away I knew I was in good hands. See, Herr's and RtW are no strangers: we've reviewed their Bacon Cheddar Cheese Curls and their Buffalo Blue Cheese Curls. And quite frankly I love their stuff. Vastly underrated in the snacking department. And it's generally cheaply priced to boot.

This is also not the first time I've had their balls in my mouth. I mean -- well, er, let's start over. I've had their Cotton Candy Snack Balls which are royal blue and in no way resemble anything you should actually be ingesting but are surprisingly not loathsome. These are also pretty rad in the visual department with the red speckling on white calling to mind PEPPERMINT in all caps and/or Lady Snowblood depending on your cultural cache.

I even brought the kids in for the taste test and they got the big 'ol Siskel & Ebert two thumbs up! Again, Herr's, an unsung hero in the snack aisle. Definitely seek their stuff out or if unavailable locally find a spot to order online. Their cheese curls will one day be our currency.

So here's one you can likely find within 5 min. from home at your nearest grocery or corner store. But at the time these were brand-spanking new to store shelves. Also available in a mint variety I've sadly yet to try, these candy bars by the cats at Hershey's promise the melding of said candy bar with cookies. In theory? A dope idea.

In execution? Nailed it. In fact I just had one of these last week. My local Kroger grocery had a bunch of discounted candy bars near the entrance for fifty cents and I procured a few for standby snacking. Those six-hour UFC event telecasts offer ample opportunities for sensational snacking. And if you're wanting to know how it tastes I'll certainly vouch for some of the better caramel seen inside candy bars in recent memory plus the mixture of crunchy cookie bits with luscious gooey caramel is a win for all.

These blind bag (or box) tiny toys are available in nearly hundreds of different varieties with almost every property imaginable having its own iteration. So whether you like princesses, LEGO, horror icons, etc. there's a set for you to buy relentlessly until you eventually find the one figurine you've been chasing.

Fighting video games were always more of my brother's passion but I always had fun with them while never mastering a fighter's repertoire or even being particularly good at them aside from wildly mashing buttons on Marvel vs. Capcom: Clash of Super Heroes at the arcade once and making it to the final boss. Here's the dilemma with these blind bags: looking at the possible ten figurines on the back there was only one I didn't want and wouldn't you guess it?

I got the only one I wasn't interested in. Now to be fair this is not indicative of the character's worth or intrinsic value just my unfamiliarity with him. Who even is he? Seth. No I'm not kidding. Really, I'm not joking, please stop guffawing. That's the name of this wildly alien-like character. Seth. Sounds like the kid that sat behind you in science class in seventh grade. Apparently he's a silver synthetic being who debuted in Street Fighter IV. Looking like a cross between Doctor Manhattan and Silver Surfer he's 100% stupid and 100% mine. My kingdom for a Zangief.


  1. Bahaha you def got the short end of the stick with Seth, he sucks. He's in the newer games and was the new final boss....I don't think anyone liked him. He ain't no M.Bison!

    1. I want to get the newer games then just to kick his butt! LOL