Cookie Dough Oreo Cookies

In the hallowed halls of the robust RtW archives you’ll catch nary a glance at Oreo in our 20+ year history of dishing the deets on random junk food, toys, and misc. pop culture detritus. Chips Ahoy! has fared slightly better. But Oreo has only been featured twice. Both times were somewhat dubious. We did a video review on Candy Cane Oreo Cookies, a video that always stood out to me for being one of our lowest watched, just barely hitting 100 views, and most of those were my mailman and a sweet old lady named Daphne in Des Moines who considers herself an Oreo super fan. Despite that video being published in December to capitalize on the holiday season, it was filmed in July, and the balmy 80-degree weather doesn’t necessarily translate to snowmen and scarves. The other time Oreo appeared on Review the World was a video review on an Oreo Brownie. This video is notable for having the worst audio of any we’ve ever posted in the public sphere. It was wildly windy, and perhaps we stretched 4-5 minutes out of an item that didn’t deserve half that breadth; but do stick around for the second half of that video to see us traversing the grounds of Miami University’s Hamilton campus sipping Soda Shaq.

I’ve stated it before but I’m not a big Oreo cookie, or really a purveyor of cookies or sweets in general. If given my druthers, the Mint Oreo would be my preferred varietal, and I wouldn’t be opposed to some smashed up Oreo cookies mixed into my ice cream. And while I admire the chutzpah to release oddities like Swedish Fish and Peeps Oreo cookies, most of the gimmick flavors don’t entice me beyond mild curiosity, however, 2014’s Root Beer Float Oreo cookies would have been dope I imagine. Just like Snoopy likes sipping a frosty mug of root beer, I partook frequently in my youth, so that’d have been a personal favorite, I’m sure.
 

This is all a prelude to today’s review of Cookie Dough Oreo cookies. A bit of a cannibalistic amalgamation, no? That’d be like having a hamburger flavored burger. “Hey Sal, gimmie a slice of pepp, and uh, let me get one of those pizza-flavored slices, too!” said nobody ever. Oreo has been producing cookies en masse since 1912, but here they’ve outdone themselves. Now my son Owen, he’s got the sweet tooth in our palatial suite, always digging in the pantry for cookies. And he’s partial to the Golden Oreo cookies. This indecent dish gives us the Golden cookies, sub out the white crème, and replaces it with cookie dough batter crème with no shame. So, what’s the verdict?

I’m on a bit of a diet as of this writing (who in my age group in the blogging and YouTube realm ain’t?) so approached my sole cookie with solemnity. And I don’t know if it’s because I’d barely eaten anything that entire day, but I munched down on that cookie with reckless abandon. And my initial takeaway was that these were deceptively good. I’d already heard high praise from my aforementioned son, and also my girlfriend, but I still had my reservations. The Golden sandwich cookie is ideal, kind of like those McDonald’s character cookies they’d pass out long, long ago, and I found the cookie dough crème was light and inviting, the taste rivaled that of like a quality doughnut filling or something more high-end like that, not the frankly bland sugary blast of a standard Oreo. While Oreo may never be part of my regular snacking rotation, I’ll tip my proverbial barbecue sauce-stained hat like Jim Ross and give them their flowers and kudos for this offering.
 
Overall Grade: B+

Guacamole! Doritos

After a departure of 21 years Guacamole! Doritos have risen. Returning not unlike in G.I. Joe: The Movie when Cobra Commander is transformed into a literal snake and is carried by Roadblock to the Joes’ camp. No, that’s not quite the right metaphor. Let’s try another. Like when pro wrestler Sting finally made his way to the WWE after a decades-spanning, legendary career, only to have it prematurely ended just as it began by the recklessness of toolbag Seth Rollins. That doesn’t set the proper tone either. Let’s just roll with it … “They’re back!” (spoken in my best Carl Anne voice from Poltergeist II: The Other Side).
 
This isn’t just another chip review. I’ve done many, many of those in the past. Both in written and video form. This one actually has a bit of a story – a history with the Big Bad Bionic Boy Bri and RtW! In 2010 I posted an article containing a video (in three parts) that was actually shot in January of 2004. It was something a couple friends and I shot late night, and while it was dubbed Review the World, I’m not sure I even knew then what the project was or would become. I love to look back at it now as it’s a time machine. It’s a glimpse into my childhood home and the kitchen that wasn’t just for family meals. Over the years that kitchen doubled as a basketball court (I had this great basketball hoop that I hung up on the door to the backyard), a place for my Hot Wheels and Micro Machines to drive around, I’d play two-square against the kitchen cabinets with a bouncy ball, hold wild imaginative wrestling matches using my action figures on the kitchen table, etc.
 
On that video from ’04 regular RtW co-contributor and longtime friend Nick and I looked at everything from candies to a board game, knockoff sodas, weird promotional movie tie-in foods, and action figures. One of the things reviewed was … Guacamole! Doritos.
 

Or was it really reviewed? Going back and watching the footage my “review” on the chips was nonconclusive. Maybe it was because Nick and I had already eaten a gummy pizza, tainted our tongue with “spray paint” candy, and imbibed Mountain Holler a Dew knockoff. Because my tastebuds seemed to be failing me. Nick is a notoriously picky eater, so he didn’t join me. I try a chip or two and make reference to only having had guacamole “20 or so times” in my life. That seems so quaint today but looking back it likely wasn’t far off. Growing up the only exposure I’d had to Mexican cuisine was Taco Bell. I wouldn’t say my father was a picky eater, more a stubborn one, and as such as a family we stuck to a few dozen different homecooked meals, a handful of restaurants, and didn’t leave room for much experimentation beyond that. I remember tagging along in high school with a couple friends on a very impromptu trip to New Jersey for one of them to meet their online girlfriend. The girls took us into the city, and we stopped at a Chinese restaurant for lunch. I didn’t know what to order! The only Asian food I’d had was as a kid my dad when getting home from work a couple times brought me some leftover shrimp fried rice in one of those little Chinese takeout containers. My parents made “stir fry” a few times. So, the idea of guacamole being exotic to a teenager seems silly to me now but that was very much the reality of the era and area I grew up in. Back to the video we shot in '04, I mention before we cut from the Doritos review to the next segment that I’d be back with more thoughts, but that never happened. Until today. 21 years later.

So how are these things? You’ve got to immediately point out the brilliant green coloring going on here. These should have been Kryptonite chips as a tie-in to this summer’s blockbuster movie Superman. You know I’m right. So big kudos on going green. And I want to go full circle on my personal relationship with guacamole. I painted a picture of how back in 2004 I was a novice at best. But now I’d consider myself a connoisseur of the green stuff. And frankly the reason I don’t think I love the taste of these chips is they remind me of the generic idea of guac as we knew it in the ‘90’s. If you buy some store brand guacamole now, you’ll run into a similar flavor profile. The avocado is hidden beneath “spices” and a preponderance of tomato, onion, etc. Guacamole is best when it’s kept simple. You don’t need the gimmickry. I found long ago if I cut into a fresh avocado, dumped it into a bowl, sprinkled some coarse salt on it, squeezed a packet of Taco Bell hot sauce in there, maybe a splash of lime if I had one handy, I could myself whip up a damn fine guacamole in a matter of moments. I think the restaurant Chipotle actually has one of my favorite takes on guacamole. Theirs the main thing you taste is fresh avocado, with big chunks of it throughout, and some cilantro mixed in. Simple and effective.

My favorite memory of guacamole ties back to the “Happiest Place on Earth” at Walt Disney World. At Magic Kingdom, arguably the most magical of all Disney parks worldwide, in the Frontierland area, themed like the American frontier of the 19th century, is Pecos Bill Tall Tale Inn & Café. Serving Mexican-inspired fare it’s a great spot for pioneers and cowboys to take a breather, grab some grub, and soak in the atmosphere and ambience. It’s a very cool dining area feeling like you’re inside an inn in the Wild West. I bring it up to talk about their amazing an experience I had with their nachos and the incredible Fixins Bar. You carry your tray with your plate of nachos on it to the Fixins Bar and go nuts: toss some lettuce, tomato, chopped onion, jalapenos, etc. on there but then I recall being shocked to see … guacamole! Shocked because guac is a high-priced item generally and having unlimited access to it seemed like stealing somehow. So I tossed a few scoops onto my gigantic mound of nachos and went to town. One of the more satisfying meals I had on that particular trip to WDW and one I reflect back on fondly often.
 

To wind things down while these aren’t bad and I wish I could reclaim them after all this time as a lost gem – I really don’t think they’re that great as chips. The flavor doesn’t align with what I’m looking for out of guacamole. I’m glad they made a triumphant return. I urge everybody to try them for themselves. I would love for the Wasabi Doritos (which I only ever saw at Walmart) to make a return. Now those things rocked! When I was in college, I remember getting bags of Guacahip out of a vending machine before class. Those are still available and for my money a superior guacamole chip in every category. So, check those out if you’ve never had them before. Now get me my Lex Luthor chips!

Grade: C+

Totino's Orange Chicken Rolls

Review the World and Totino’s Pizza Rolls go way back (to 2005 in fact). In fact, they have their very own category on the blog – featuring over a half-dozen reviews including many limited time only flavors of yore that are long gone. Among the pizza roll scene I am in the cognoscenti -- a true authority on these baddies. So you know when I discovered these in the wild I absolutely not just had to try them, but to share my scientific studies with you rowdy bunch.

I was at Hooper’s Store on Sesame Street and saw these in the freezer. Instant buy. Now I don’t know FaZe Clan from Innercity Griots but their logo is emblazoned on the bag. Back when I reviewed the “Pizzeria Rolls” a Totino’s twist on popular Italian foods in roll form, I suggested some ingenious ideas of my own including Philly cheesesteak and Indian food rolls. I didn’t have the foresight to predict takes on Chinese takeout faves like Orange Chicken but my interest was piqued. Arguably, if brainstorming on Chinese food rolls, you’d be hard-pressed to offer up a better suggestion than Orange Chicken. Runners-up in a poll I concocted by myself with the lone voter being me were Beef & Broccoli, Sesame Chicken, Teriyaki Chicken, Garlic Shrimp, and Sweet and Sour Pork.

Just like the old days I tossed in a figurine this time Jason Voorhees as we’re days out from Halloween and my girlfriend and I have been binging horror films for weeks. Right away you get notes of spice and sweetness. That synergy is needed as real orange chicken has that cross between orange marmalade and spicy red chili flakes happening. The orange itself isn’t traceable but you do get sweetness to meet the heat. I may be a savage (I’ve been told it’s a Midwestern thing) but ranch dressing is my dip of choice on all pizza roll varieties. It worked especially well in this case as the creaminess helped counterbalance the spice singe.

Overall these are an unexpected treat, fun to snack on, cool concept, and really, really makes me wish Totino’s would keep the creativity coming. I’d love nothing more than at least 1-2 new flavors yearly but a guy can dream. Thanks for coming to me Ted Totino’s Talk.

Overall Grade: B+

Lay’s India’s Magic Masala chips

 

A chip review that serendipitously doubles as a farewell to Brian’s childhood home. The aroma & flavors of an Indian buffet transmuted to chip form as Lay’s melds masala & magic into one snack that’d make magician The Great Sorcar envious! Will the spice be nice? Watch as the guys investigate this indomitable Indian edible

Sour Patch Kids Popcorn

 

Them wily Sour Patch Kids are back again! We’ve had the candy, cereal and cookies, but now they’re invading the multiplex with popcorn! Sweet then sour is their motto but what about .. salty? Watch as the guys dissect this gummy-infused snack with enthusiasm!

Lay’s BBQ Prik Zab Zeed chips

Thailand brings us a barbecued pork skewer flavored chip from Lay’s! With the unique name Prik Zab Zeed (no relation to Lord Zedd) we’re hoping for a tasty treat as we hit the streets for our latest review!

Lay's Waxberry & Numb & Spicy Hot Pot Chips

Didn't think we'd be hitting Lay's curiosities again so soon after our amazing time sampling some truly outrageous flavors last year. But as part of my birthday festivities this past summer I received two bags of international Lay’s and knew the gauntlet had been thrown down. And I don't mean the Gauntlet on NES with the valkyrie and Questor the elf neither ‘cause you know I’m a wizard in the sheets and a warrior in the streets. 

We begin our quest with a fuchsia bag of potato crisps that’ll cripple your grandmother. Not since Ernest “The Cat” Miller danced in steel-tipped red dancing shoes have I seen something as fiercely red as what’s in that hot pot dish featured on the front of the bag. The name Numb & Spicy Hot Plot is a (very) literal translation of “mala huoguo” a Chinese term that means numbingly spicy hot pot. To create this scorching sensation Lay’s blended Sichuan peppercorn into each chip to shear away our senses and scorch our sacred mouth holes. 

The flavor is one I now savor. My son is all about Taki’s and Flamin’ Hot snacks in all their varieties and variants. While I respect those snacks’ empire and place in the hearts of ebullient spice seekers worldwide I don’t ever go for them when grabbing a snack from the pantry. But there is a distinctively Sichuan slant to these that makes my food-loving self sing. I found that hot pot dishes have been a mainstay of Chinese culture for over 1,000 years and hungry families will toss all kinds of stuff into that boiling pot of broth from vegetables and seafood, to sliced meats and noodles, even offal (yes, animal entrails and organs). The adjective “numb” is not a misnomer. The spice from these hits different than say, a Louisiana-style hot sauce, or wasabi punch to the nostrils. It’s a deep and dark heat that lands heavy like an Xavier Pendragon roundhouse kick to the ribs. And we thank them for it. 

Some back of bag action for all you miscreants wanting that peek. 

Up next: Waxberry flavor and I so wish that were a typo. 

Like Cathy spoke to the foibles of the modern woman these speak to the sycophant grocer giving you the side-eye for stalking the exotic fruit bin. I had to do some deep research to familiarize myself with the fruit and even after much reading all I’ve got to go on was that it was name dropped in some Li Bai poems (wonder if Gary Snyder ever ate any) and that it goes by various other names like red bayberry, yumberry, and the Chinese strawberry. 

Man, these are just weird – my girlfriend said they taste like Pop Rocks in potato chip form and while that’s not too far off it’s more flummoxing than flattering. Your eyes don’t deceive you. Those are red polka dots on the chips. But as someone who went to school in the 1980’s and was always warned of the toxicity of paint flecks, I found the fact that the red things are little flakes of what resembles crayon shavings that stick to your fingers and anything else they touch more than a little troubling. Between the unnatural flavor and the weird ruby detritus that can’t go unseen these were an ambitious swing but a ultimately a strikeout. If your local library is having an anime night feel free to bring these but otherwise approach with caution. For now I’m heading to China to climb an evergreen tree and pull down waxberries just so I can stomp on them.

Lay's Yogurt Soda, White Grape, & More Chips!

We're going international with some of the most bizarre flavors of Lay's (or any other!) chips I've ever encountered. When you're the kind of person for whom new or unique flavors of sundry food items is cause for celebration then you'll know the joy I felt finding these out in the wild. And by that I mean out on store shelves, not in the wild like a rain forest, although strangely I was wearing a safari hat that day.

I got these gems at CAM International Market. It's an Asian grocer that I've been frequenting for RtW fodder for over 15 years. If you look closely during the opening credits of the old RtW TV you can see me in its aisles holding a fish! How could I resist buying these? Yogurt. Soda. Yogurt Soda? And in chip form? I couldn't believe my eyes.

And White Grape Soda? Now they're just taunting us and challenging decency. We're talking about a beverage in chip form? We're mixing fruity with salty? We're out of our minds. Japan has always been one of the leaders in radical flavors and fun gimmicks when it comes to candy and snacks. They've further earned that reputation heartily when they ushered these into production and subsequently into our unsuspecting homes.

Mexican Chicken Tomato flavor

I had two revelations when trying these four bags of  Lay's. The first is that these, with the unlikely mouthful name of Mexican Chicken Tomato, are absolutely awesome. If you'd asked me previously what my favorite Lay's were I'd have said Chicken & Waffles (love that maple syrup-savory fried chicken hybrid) and Southern Biscuits & Gravy (pure nostalgia calling to mind my Dad's version of the dish). But now these are among the best Lay's I've ever tasted. Sure, the name is a head-scratcher, and if you look at the first picture way above and see the fuchsia colored bag, it's hard to discern what you're getting into with the halved tomato taking up the lots of real estate on the front. The flavor itself is sweet and tangy, I did see in its ingredients list soy sauce, which really adds to its uniqueness. These almost tastes like a housemade sweet and sour dipping sauce from a nice Thai restaurant. Incredible find.

White Grape Soda flavor

Things were about to get weirder. A lot weirder.

Tiffany handed out the goods. The first of two soda-flavored potato chips we were willfully ingesting. There's also the other little glaring fact: they were fruit-flavored! I'm trying to think if I've ever seen an apple, orange, pear, watermelon, plum, or peach potato chip on the market. And I don't mean chips made with healthier ingredients like veggie or banana chips; but instead legitimate potato chips with fruit flavoring. Nothing comes to mind. We couldn't wait any longer. Most of our foursome of taste testers myself included were feeling varying degrees of nervousness.

Let's let Tiffany's initial reaction, captured here in vivid detail, say it all.

In all my years of reviewing food randomness online these rank among the most outrageous things I've had the privilege of sampling.  Somehow, inexplicably, they've shrunk down the explosive zest of bubbly soda pop and jammed it into a potato chip. There's no other way to adequately explain it. These taste like a mouthful of seltzer water. I'm no food guru or chemist but there's something here that creates this unsettling sensation. I saw something in the ingredients list called sodium carbonate and suspect it may be the culprit but I could be way off. There's a sharp hint, almost acidic, of a vinegar-like grape flavor profile, but all we could talk about was how in the world these chips had the mouthfeel of drinking soda pop.

Deep Ridged Pepper Chicken flavor

I didn't get a lot of photographic evidence of our trials with this flavor. It was a last minute add-on purchase at the store, more out of curiosity, and ended up being the least distinct of the bunch. The chips themselves, ridges and all, were denser and had a dry, cardboard-like quality. The flavor itself wasn't bad, the bag promised fireworks with its image of broiled chili peppers and rotisserie chicken, but the end result was lackluster, made even more disappointing with the subpar chips that housed the seasonings. 

Yogurt Soda flavor

This was the one we were all justifiably antsy over. The idea of yogurt soda itself was borderline repulsive. Like Terror Toad levels of gross. They're two distinct things that until now we'd never thought coexisted. And then there's the whole other added element that we'd be experiencing this ungodly grouping in the form of a potato chip.

My crew did a smell test first and I recall Tiffany suggesting they smelled like Fruity Pebbles. We counted to 3 and all took a bite at the same time. Immediately after we were all making faces like Aargh. These tasted like spicy carbonated milk. Not spicy in the sense of heat but more like that sensation of really strong mint taking your breath away. They played rough with your tongue and even less gentle with your spirit. They were the executioner's guillotine and ended our fun jaunt into wacky Lay's with a suddenness.

Overall, this was a ton of fun. Super thankful for Japan bringing the bonkers snacks. Big shoutout to CAM International Market but please bring back the boba bubble tea! I urge you all to seek out odd edibles and partake in some fanciful feasting with friends or solo.

Chips Ahoy! Sour Patch Kids

A month or so ago I was doing a routine grocery run. While picking up my usual items, some beef jerky and snacks for those late nights watching movies or UFC events, my kids’ favorite edibles (strictly of the Teddy Graham variety, no hallucinogens here), I stumbled upon an item in the cookie aisle that made my face aglow like a child actor in an ‘80’s TV ad. Chips Ahoy! Sour Patch Kids unbelievably existed and I’d found them in the wild.

I quickly took to Twitter to deliver a slap that’d make “Dr. D” David Schultz proud. I posted my findings not knowing that the majority of my friends and followers had never even knew of their existence! But neither had I until seconds prior. I believe the last time I had a junk food scoop of that magnitude was when we were first to cover the Jones Soda Easter flavors (editor’s note: still a personal favorite video, our energy level was through the roof).

These days the preferred format of RtW tomfoolery is video content but with the tragic pandemic halting life as we formerly knew it these cookies sat atop my fridge for far too long. So today I unsheathed these bakery boys from their slumber and prepared myself for an awkward encounter. This is far from the first time Sour Patch has appeared on my beloved blog. Just last Fall my children joined me for a review of Sour Patch Cereal, back in May of 2018 while in the Texas heat I sampled Sour Patch Kids Fire with friends, and atop a rooftop in downtown Hamilton, OH I was joined by buddy Nick to investigate Extreme Sour Patch Kids.

All pretense aside I know you’re here predominantly because you want to know how these monstrosities taste. I’m going to jump right out in say in flavor they’re somewhere between licking in-between Moss Man’s toes and snorting sour powdered candy with Goldenrod. These are an epic misfire. Which, maybe, makes them even more memorable? The Sour Patch cereal referenced above was begrudgingly edible, hell, my kids genuinely liked it! But these cookies are putrid pieces of poopy awash in garishly colored candy chips. You see the green chip near the bottom? Those are fairly fine, and I foolishly expected the cookies to be traditional Chips Ahoy! with a few “sour” chips mixed in for fun. Where these step off the cliff into uneatable territory is the rubber bits of actual Sour Patch Kids gummies! See the orange rubbery pieces near the top of the cookie? That’s actual gummy candy inside a cookie. The incongruity of crunchy cookies melded with chewy, sticky candy is one I’ll likely not soon forget. I’m about as least a picky eater as you’ll find but I only needed one of these cookies to forever close the book on their rancidness.

In closing, their legacy may be miniscule, these haven’t appeared to have made much a dent or impact on the online circles I frequent. But nobody can deny their batshit insanity. We’ve seen cookie companies like Oreo bastardize their good name unloading untold amounts of odd varieties onto store shelves but Chips Ahoy! has outdone them all. I let Godzilla do the Humpty Dance on them until they were crumbs.

Overall Grade: C-

Carolina Reaper Cheese Curls

We’re here to cheer up this nation! Watch the guys sneak onto the property of Brian’s former elementary school as we get spicy with our hot takes and oratory as we review Herr’s Carolina Reaper Cheese Curls! We sample these snacks flavored after the decidedly deadly hot pepper and showcase life is full of simple pleasures. Enjoy!

Kit Kat Countdown: Matcha Green Tea

And so it begins! For the next 12 months the boys will be participating in the Kit Kat Countdown! A year-long journey through many of the various flavors of Kit Kat candy bars. 12 months, 12 Kit Kats, 12 videos. An epic feat of junk food jubilation and candy bacchanalia with surprises and twists and lots of impromptu renditions of the old Kit Kat ad jingle. We’re kicking the series off with the Matcha Green Tea flavor. So break yourselves off a piece of that Kit Kat Countdown as it begins now!

Fire Roasted Sweet Corn Chips

The trio is back as Brian, Nick, & Eddie tackle Herr's Fire Roasted Sweet Corn chips! Watch the boys investigate this peculiar flavor that has them making the best faces this side of canine reaction shots in major motion pictures! Is it street or sweet corn? And will there be a Deliverance reference? Watch and see!

Doritos Screamin' Sriracha

Brian kicks off RtW's 2020 campaign as we enter our 15th year on the Internet by answering a burning hot question: does Doritos' new Screamin' Sriracha chips really induce rampant hollering, and conversely, do they pay proper tribute to the beloved condiment from whence they draw their name? On a frosty morning Brian is joined by Eddie as the gentlemen embark on an edible odyssey into spice and the newfound utilization of snow as dipping sauce. Enjoy!

Sour Patch Kids Cereal

For the first-time ever Brian is joined by his very own Rugrats to review! The kids and Brian are tackling Sour Patch Kids cereal! That’s no typo. The popular sour gummy candies usually seen in movie theater lobbies and being traded on school bleachers are now part of a wholesome breakfast! Can candy crossover like Allen Iverson into the world of whole grain cereals, crunchy bacon, and syrupy pancakes? And can sour cereal actually work? Find out!

Sweet ‘N Crunchy Funnel Cake Flavored Snack Balls

Brian and pal Eddie review a summer staple, county fair favorite, funnel cake-inspired snack in the snowy streets. Can these snack balls replicate the powdery sugar-coated carnival bliss of a real funnel cake? This review ain’t no parlor trick but it’s as exhilarating as a rickety roller coaster ride! Enjoy!

Little Farm Pizza Bread Snacks

I've had the pleasure of visiting my friends Will of Casserole of Disaster and DJ D of Retro Ghouls twice this past calendar year and on the first of those two visits I stumbled upon these intriguing and adorable snacks.

To set the scene we'd previously been day drinking at a retro arcade bar a few miles away. Despite my limousine riding, jet flying, playboy lifestyle (insert audience laugh track here) I rarely drink so when offered an open tab by my buddies I was fearlessly trying every neon colored mixed drink the barhop could concoct. If it looked like something from Doctor Dreadful's Freaky Food Lab I was imbibing it.

In an inspired choice Will nabbed us a few pizza pies from a food truck and after only driving a couple minutes he pulled a Dominic Toretto and whipped the car Tokyo Drift-ing our asses into the lot of place called Asia Grocery Store. 

As seen above my girlfriend Tiffany and I were taking in the sights as if we were analyzing artwork in the French Revolution wing of the Louvre. There were so many brightly colored bags of prawn-flavored snacks and sodium-rich noodles that I almost asked if they were hiring just so I could have an excuse to spend 8 hours a day there.

That fun-filled and fantastical day was back in early-July and ever since that bag of snacks had set prominently displayed on a shelf above my fridge for all guests to behold. Today that all changed. Expiring in less than a week this memento to remind me of a great weekend getaway was no longer going to serve as decor but instead sustenance. Despite Internet rumors I don't subsist on a diet entirely of Rap Snacks and Totino's Pizza Rolls.

Of all the snacks in that tiny grocery these were the ones that literally jumped off the shelves and into my clutches. Any nostalgia nerd worth his salt that grew up in the '90's would be lying if they said they're not constantly on the lookout for a replacement for Keebler's Pizzarias a cheese pizza-flavored chip that tasted like Pasqually E. Pieplate looks. Then there's the double-shot of awesomeness that is an Italian-inspired snack made in Thailand and sold out of an Asian grocer right outside Appalachia coupled with miniaturized versions of anything being totally adorable so tiny pieces of toast had my heart swelling.

The bag is multi-lingual but the key information is clear: "pizza lovers" are in for a treat plus a "new way of snacking". In the words of Rex Manning "Say No More Mon Amour".

It makes me beyond happy to be able to tell you these are incredible! The bag was insanely full of air feeling more like one of those balloons haphazardly tied down near the checkout aisles at supermarkets that say "Get Well Soon" with a picture of Garfield looking like he just sat down on a prickly pear cactus or Mr. Pogo's scythe and less a bag of snacks. They get the highest mark for appearances. They truly are miniature pieces of garlic toast made even tastier by having one side coated in a dusting of Italian spices and flavors that recall the corner booth at a '80's neighborhood pizzeria where the pizza was served piping hot, the cola came in big red plastic cups, and a lone arcade game likely Spy Hunter sat in darkened nook next to a fern. I really wasn't sure what to expect and had presumptuously written them off as mere novelty but now I intend on polishing off the rest of the bag tonight while trying to beat my 1995 high score on Kung Fu Heroes.

Overall Grade: A+