Monday, June 29, 2020

Star Wars Nerds Rope

This past Friday while recreating the Fridays of my own misspent youth I ventured into the local video store to corral some righteous snacks and a few digital video discs for my eyes’ consumption. Towards the checkout desk was an egregiously diverse and ample candy display. I saw lots of stuff I’d love to cover on RtW but this time I left with these Star Wars-themed candy ropes.

Their registered trademark says NERDS but let’s simply say Nerds, shall we? My own history with Nerds has one standout memory. As a youth when I’d be brought to Dairy Queen and get to pick an ingredient for my Blizzard (for those without Dairy Queen, for starters my condolences, but Blizzards are essentially ice cream whipped in a blender with candies and other toppings mixed in) I’d bypass the more popular choices like Reese’s Pieces or M&M’s and in a totally six-year-old move get Rainbow Nerds in my ice cream. The sum total of this edible experiment would be a tie-dyed taste terror of sour, crunchy sugar bits tainting a perfectly fine vanilla robbing it of its smooth finish with shards of squalid sugar crystal.

In years past I’ve come to know Nerds for their seasonal fare: Spooky Nerds (Halloween), Frosty Nerds (Christmas), Valentine Nerds (‘natch), and Hoppin’ Nerds (Easter). But this? We’ve gone to a galaxy far, far away and brought back Star Wars Nerd Ropes. Up first is the Light Side Raspberry edition. This loopy, limp candy rope dons the blue hue utilized in the lightsabers of such Jedi luminaries as Obi-Wan Kenobi and Plo Koon. I think there’s a scene in The Last Jedi where Kit Fisto is eating a candy rope but it got left on the cutting room floor. That’s Hollywood for you. 

Then you’ve got the cool, raging Red of Dark Side Cherry! Donning the darkness of the red lightsabers used by such fan favorites as baddie Darth Vader and Depa Billaba. This one may seem on the surface the more ordinary of the two but packs a sour wallop that’d even make Even Piell’s ears stand up straight.

Unlike actual lightsabers we quickly found these aren’t ideal for duels. Instead it became a whipping fight better suited to an Indiana Jones promotional tie-in as we smacked candy ropes, clattering in combat, loose Nerds shooting astray, until one victor remained standing: Dark Side Cherry. Personally, I think the Light Side rope is dreamy, I’m loving the shades of blue and standing up for all that’s right and light in the universe, but the Dark Side is strong, its allure undeniable, and its flavor unmatched.

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